a big shut the fuck up to a lot of you. if people don't understand tipping it wouldn't hurt much to educate. we all saw the movie 'waiting', so we're basing scenarios off of that. you guys are glorified beggars who deserve what you put into it. your job isn't rocket science; it just involves bringing shit and taking it away. maybe if you cunts gave someone a handjob you'd get a good tip. remember tip is something you expect for your service, not a mandatory fee, but if you are dissapointed why not just include an automatic 15% on the bill; at least this way people will know outright what they owe and not play cheapskate. the whole industry depends on some customer's decision/how can you expect them to make the right one 100% of the time...
My oh my, TheRapist. You poor poor stupid idiotic dumb ass heel of turd slipper. Does he think that we think our job is rocket science? I don't know any waiter who has ever responded to the question "What do you do?" with "I'm a rocket scientist." Never on any kind of form have I mistakenly put "rocket scientist" down when asked what I do for a living. I never said that our job was rocket science. It's harder than most people think it is, but I can totally agree it's not rocket science. It's much closer to bio nuclear physicist. Or baby sitters. Or maids. But not rocket scientists.
And he thinks we are "glorified beggars" as well? I don't ever beg for money. Wait, I take that back. One time on the F train, I was really trashed and I thought I would sing "Amazing Grace" while walking down the car to see if anyone gave me money. They didn't. And then another time, my friend Shane and I went to the Times Square station and sang the theme songs to classic television shows. We collected about $25 in an hour and then we went to a El Azteca and spent it all on margaritas. But I have never begged at work. I have had customers beg to me: "My God, I'm starving. Please check on the food before I pass out from hunger." Beggars can't be choosers. I choose to wait tables and when someone chooses to leave me a crappy tip, I sometimes choose to give it back to them. So I beg your pardon, but we are not glorified beggars.
As per his suggestion for giving handjobs to the tables, don't think I haven't thought of that before. The issue with handjobs is time management. Giving a handjob to every single table would quite honestly take too much time and to top it off, the women would get all jealous and shit when they see their men folks getting handjobs from their waiter. Trust me, I'll never do that. Again. Plus it was really messy and just gave me more sidework to do at the end of the night. And the cost of lube and Purell was not cost effective.
In regards to his brilliant suggestion to just add a 15% gratuity to every table is easier said than done. Like if I did that to TheRapist's check, he wouldn't be the first person to jump out of his seat and complain about it. Believe me, all waiters would rather just add 15% to every check and be done with it. But that's not how it works in this country. We do the best job we can and hope that the customer is going to dig into his deep pockets with his short arms and pull out a decent tip for us. TheRapist, when you come into my station, please announce yourself and I will be happy to add the gratuity automatically. I will then beg you to shut the fuck up and I will offer you a handjob compliments of the 88 year old cashier named Betty who has fingernails as long as the day is long.
Finally, I want you to know how disappointed I am in you that you misspelled "disappointed." But hey, it must take a rocket scientist to know how to spell, right? Have a good day, TheRapist, and thank you so much for your keen insight and thoughtful comment. Now fuck off.
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