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Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A Comment on Comments

Way too much time has passed since I have ripped into someone who left some stupid ass comment on the blog. The time is now. It does my tiny hard heart loads of good to let loose on these poor souls who think their comment will go unmentioned or unnoticed, but my eagle eye reads every single comment that gets posted. I'm in a bad mood today so this should be fun and make me feel a lot better. In reference to this post about Jean-Claude Van Damme, a reader who used the ever-so-clever user name TheRapist had something to say. (Get it? It's like the rapist AND a therapist. So funny.) Read on:


a big shut the fuck up to a lot of you. if people don't understand tipping it wouldn't hurt much to educate. we all saw the movie 'waiting', so we're basing scenarios off of that. you guys are glorified beggars who deserve what you put into it. your job isn't rocket science; it just involves bringing shit and taking it away. maybe if you cunts gave someone a handjob you'd get a good tip. remember tip is something you expect for your service, not a mandatory fee, but if you are dissapointed why not just include an automatic 15% on the bill; at least this way people will know outright what they owe and not play cheapskate. the whole industry depends on some customer's decision/how can you expect them to make the right one 100% of the time...

My oh my, TheRapist. You poor poor stupid idiotic dumb ass heel of turd slipper. Does he think that we think our job is rocket science? I don't know any waiter who has ever responded to the question "What do you do?" with "I'm a rocket scientist." Never on any kind of form have I mistakenly put "rocket scientist" down when asked what I do for a living. I never said that our job was rocket science. It's harder than most people think it is, but I can totally agree it's not rocket science. It's much closer to bio nuclear physicist. Or baby sitters. Or maids. But not rocket scientists.

And he thinks we are "glorified beggars" as well? I don't ever beg for money. Wait, I take that back. One time on the F train, I was really trashed and I thought I would sing "Amazing Grace" while walking down the car to see if anyone gave me money. They didn't. And then another time, my friend Shane and I went to the Times Square station and sang the theme songs to classic television shows. We collected about $25 in an hour and then we went to a El Azteca and spent it all on margaritas. But I have never begged at work. I have had customers beg to me: "My God, I'm starving. Please check on the food before I pass out from hunger." Beggars can't be choosers. I choose to wait tables and when someone chooses to leave me a crappy tip, I sometimes choose to give it back to them. So I beg your pardon, but we are not glorified beggars.

As per his suggestion for giving handjobs to the tables, don't think I haven't thought of that before. The issue with handjobs is time management. Giving a handjob to every single table would quite honestly take too much time and to top it off, the women would get all jealous and shit when they see their men folks getting handjobs from their waiter. Trust me, I'll never do that. Again. Plus it was really messy and just gave me more sidework to do at the end of the night. And the cost of lube and Purell was not cost effective.

In regards to his brilliant suggestion to just add a 15% gratuity to every table is easier said than done. Like if I did that to TheRapist's check, he wouldn't be the first person to jump out of his seat and complain about it. Believe me, all waiters would rather just add 15% to every check and be done with it. But that's not how it works in this country. We do the best job we can and hope that the customer is going to dig into his deep pockets with his short arms and pull out a decent tip for us. TheRapist, when you come into my station, please announce yourself and I will be happy to add the gratuity automatically. I will then beg you to shut the fuck up and I will offer you a handjob compliments of the 88 year old cashier named Betty who has fingernails as long as the day is long.

Finally, I want you to know how disappointed I am in you that you misspelled "disappointed." But hey, it must take a rocket scientist to know how to spell, right? Have a good day, TheRapist, and thank you so much for your keen insight and thoughtful comment. Now fuck off.



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21 comments:

Ester Jean said...

I had notifications sent to me on that post, and I got that one in my e-mail and it pissed me the fuck off. Probably not as much as it pissed you off, but still.... I also thought at the time, 'Aw some attention whore is trying to get a mention on Bitchy Waiter's blog,' which he did. Still glad you addressed it. And I hope your day gets better! XOXO

Sperls13 said...

"And the cost of lube and Purell was not cost effective."

AWESOME! Thanks again for bringing a smile to my face on such a crappy work day.

Stephanie said...

What a jackass!!

Anonymous said...

If you can't afford to tip 20%, don't go out to eat. End of story.

And I have never worked in a restaurant - I'm just not an idiot.

jaye said...

Perhaps he should just stay home and keep giving his brother handjobs. Id love to see him tie on an apron and do my job for one fucking day. I work at a big sportsbar. We refer to ourselves as extreme waitresses. Fuck theRapist.

Blondyyninja said...

Exactly Anonymous, EXACTLY. I wait tables now part time but even before I ever did I've always known the golden arch rule of dining out which is: if you can't afford to tip, eat at Fu#king McDonalds.

Practical Parsimony said...

"I'll never do that. Again" LOL You are a master.

I want my waiter, and all repairmen to be smart, not just someone who cannot cut it elsewhere. I was astonished when I taught GED that the waitresses and mechanics I had got terrifically high scores. So, waiting tables does attract someone with smarts that are higher than the jerk who wrote that comment. I would never assume that wait staff is stupid or that just bringing things and taking things away is all there is to the job. Now, some days I think they are lazy or hung over....Hmmm...maybe he is a waiter and dumb as dirt.

People smarts help lots. Her certainly has none and used a cruel name to identify himself. I did not comment at the time, because the trolls like attention.

Practical Parsimony said...

What I wrote sounded mean. I was not astonished that mechanics or wait staff could be highly intelligent. I just did not expect them all as a group to outstrip everyone else. In our county, thankfully, only boys and girls with high grades or at least a C are allowed to go to the trade high school.

The Empress said...

I'd tell old twat rot to fuck off myself but you already did such and outstanding job. Love it!

The Ranter’s Box

SkippyMom said...

The commenter lost me at "We have all seen the movie 'Waiting' and base...blah, blah, blah."

Any tool who think that movie is even close to representative of what we actually do or did in the industry is stupid.

I bet he thinks "Hangover" and "Hangover II" actually happened, in their entirety, in OMG real life.

JERK.

dirtydisher said...

I'd love to see TheRapist handle 12 tables and his half of the banquet in the back (all seperate checks, non English speaking), off menu, while he also bartends because somone didn't show up for work. He'd have to change his name to FarkedInTheAss. Actually, he should anyhow.

Anonymous said...

I work at a restaurant, and this is stunningly offensive. In New Jersey, waiters can legally be paid 2.13 an hour. I would greatly enjoy seeing this person live on that. Tips are my lifeblood. I haven't even gotten any money on my paycheck in about 4 months. So shut the fuck up, TheRapist.

Mary A. said...

Anyone whose handle is "The RAPIST" is a tool anyway.

Rape is a horrible violent act. Not funny.

Now if you called yourself RapemyAss. . .OK..

Chickie Boom Boom said...

People don't seem to realize that waiters and bartenders only make $2.77/hr and that they work for tips. If you can't afford the tip then stay home. If the service is bad, I still tip 15%...I used to bartend.

Eden said...

The moron has apparently never TRIED to wait tables. I have run offices, and emergency services, coordinating wedding and helped raise a litter of kids. Put a computer in front of me or me in high heels and suit, I will run some shit, but if you put an apron on me, all you will get is shit.

the only jobs I have ever been fired from were waitressing jobs, but that is HARD yo! It takes a certain type of person and level of multitasking that the most intelligent of creatures (moi) does not have.

So TheRapist, can take his choice between his chosen names, either one might do him some good.

Anonymous said...

LOL he says that people can't get it right 100% of the time. That must be just him LOL

Kim Haasarud said...

Great response! Did he not see the wrath of the Bitchy after a comment like that? What an ignoramous.

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