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Saturday, March 19, 2011

Dear Bitchy Waiter

I get a lot of emails from people asking for advice regarding their restaurant related problems. I do my best to answer every single letter despite the vast number of them. (About three or four a week...) The following email arrived a few weeks ago and I don't know what to make of it.

You can email me
here if you have a question that needs attention. Or you can just say hello. That's nice too.

Dear Bitchy Waiter,

Hello My name is (name withheld) and I would like to order individual grilled chicken salad in your restaurant,for 150 people on 21st of march and pick up time is 3 pm and it's for my Dad's Birthday Party and it will be picked up by Private Shipper Agent and I am ready to pay the full payment with my credit card so can you make the order for me on that date while you get me the grand total of the foods inclusive of the tax fee,get back to me with the total cost,you can also get back to me.

Please advise.

Dear Name Withheld,

Let me advise. First of all, please learn what a period is because that run-on of a sentence gave me a freaking headache and I had to read it four times to understand your email and then I still didn't understand what you were asking me because I am not a restaurant, I am a blogger and run-on sentences are so bad that we should never ever use them unless it has a point like proving how annoying they are in the first place and stuff like that there and so on and so forth and etcetera. I see that your Dad's Birthday Party is in just a few days and it sounds like a real humdinger of a party if it's happening on a Monday at 3:00 in the afternoon. Seriously, how did you find 150 people who could go to a party on a Monday afternoon? Or maybe the pick-up time for the salads is at 3:00, but the party isn't until 8:00. If that is the case, you are going to have 150 limp and soggy ass salads to deal with that may be teeming with bacteria. But the salads won't come from me. You should probably look into ordering food from a restaurant or catering company rather than a waiter who writes a blog. I don't even know what city you are in, but I guess it doesn't matter since the order was going to be picked up by a Private Shipper Agent. Whatever that is. Although it is nice that you are ready to pay the full amount, including the 60% tip I would have added, I won't be able to help you. I hope your dad has the best Monday afternoon party in the history of Monday afternoon parties. Wherever you get your individual grilled chicken salads from, I hope they are delicious and perfect. Might I suggest Chick-Fil-A? Thanks for your inquiry.

-The Bitchy Waiter

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theblonde said...

We get that scam about once a week - they call up through the Relay service and basically read that e-mail. I made a post about it a few weeks back.
How strange that they have migrated to the blog world to try and pull that one off.

Jamie said...

That was strange... have they ever even READ your blog?!

Susan said...

We get the calls through TTY services, and sometimes through email. They always say "a private shipper" and request insane amounts to be 'picked up' at an awkward hour.

Freaky you'd get it through your email, considering you are not the owner of the restaurant you work in.

Gabriele Agustini said...

Again, you have me laughing out loud!!
Thank you, BW!! <3

Practical Parsimony said...

Private Shipper Agent is the person who was going to pick up a book I had for sale. A money order for $1500 was mailed to me for the book. I was to deposit it, add the normal shipping cost, and send the buyer a cashier's check for the remainder of the overage he sent me. So, I am going to make about $1480 because I am so special, I suppose. I laughed all the way to the bank where I just gave them the money order. SCAM! And, I knew it. The Agent picks up Shipping for an individual, Private person, not a company.

Sauce said...

We just got this email at work the other day. The best part of it is my owner is often not the quickest guy and thought it was real. Really dude?

Anonymous said...

i guess they started long time ago, cuz the first time it happened in our restaurant was almost 3 years ago, actual guy called to place the order for the salads

Mind Of Mine said...

It reads like a total scam.

Rachel said...

This made me lose my shit with laughter!!!! BW-- this post is a shining example of why I visit your blog every day!

Burnt Karma said...

I got a call from a TTY service once at work that sounded exactly like this - 150 chicken salads to be picked up by a private shipper. Luckily I picked up on the scam and declined the order (due to the fact that they wanted us to also process the cost of the shipper and pay the shipper when they got there, which seemed incredibly off to me) and declined the order for that reason.

Burnt Karma said...

Oops....I didn't mean to say "declined the order" twice. :)