I get a lot of emails from people asking for advice regarding their restaurant related problems. I do my best to answer every single letter despite the vast number of them. (About three or four a week...) The following email arrived a few weeks ago and I don't know what to make of it.
You can email me here if you have a question that needs attention. Or you can just say hello. That's nice too.
Dear Bitchy Waiter,
Hello My name is (name withheld) and I would like to order individual grilled chicken salad in your restaurant,for 150 people on 21st of march and pick up time is 3 pm and it's for my Dad's Birthday Party and it will be picked up by Private Shipper Agent and I am ready to pay the full payment with my credit card so can you make the order for me on that date while you get me the grand total of the foods inclusive of the tax fee,get back to me with the total cost,you can also get back to me.
Dear Name Withheld,
Let me advise. First of all, please learn what a period is because that run-on of a sentence gave me a freaking headache and I had to read it four times to understand your email and then I still didn't understand what you were asking me because I am not a restaurant, I am a blogger and run-on sentences are so bad that we should never ever use them unless it has a point like proving how annoying they are in the first place and stuff like that there and so on and so forth and etcetera. I see that your Dad's Birthday Party is in just a few days and it sounds like a real humdinger of a party if it's happening on a Monday at 3:00 in the afternoon. Seriously, how did you find 150 people who could go to a party on a Monday afternoon? Or maybe the pick-up time for the salads is at 3:00, but the party isn't until 8:00. If that is the case, you are going to have 150 limp and soggy ass salads to deal with that may be teeming with bacteria. But the salads won't come from me. You should probably look into ordering food from a restaurant or catering company rather than a waiter who writes a blog. I don't even know what city you are in, but I guess it doesn't matter since the order was going to be picked up by a Private Shipper Agent. Whatever that is. Although it is nice that you are ready to pay the full amount, including the 60% tip I would have added, I won't be able to help you. I hope your dad has the best Monday afternoon party in the history of Monday afternoon parties. Wherever you get your individual grilled chicken salads from, I hope they are delicious and perfect. Might I suggest Chick-Fil-A? Thanks for your inquiry.
-The Bitchy Waiter
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