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Monday, March 7, 2011

Do NOT Leave Crap in My Station

This is a re-post with some added thoughts. I'm tired today so it's totally half-assed. Sorry.

I am moved to write because today some lady threw her baby into a mega-stroller and rolled it into my station. The baby looked like it was a few weeks old and I don't know why the fuck anyone would drag their weeks old baby to eat at my place, but she did. Actually I should say her nanny did. Mother just talked on the phone and took cell phone pictures of it. Maybe she was Grandmother. Bitch looked old. First thing: "Can you turn down the music? The baby is asleep." Whatever. Point of story is when they left. I went to clear the table and there was a tiny diaper rolled into a ball that was sitting with the dirty dishes and used napkins. Like I won't notice a fucking dirty diaper. So I have decided to make a list of things to not leave at your table:

  • dirty fucking goddamn diapers
  • snot rags
  • babies or children of any age unless they are cool with becoming my cleaning lady.
  • trash from other restaurants like a Starbucks cup
  • hair pieces, wigs, falls, barrettes or pony-tail holders
  • magazines that I don't want to read like Time or Ladies Home Journal. US Weekly or People is fine.
  • crappy cell phones. The new iPhone is fine. Just don't come back looking for it.
  • body odor
  • junk mail or any other crap that came out of your bag that you cleaned out while waiting for your food
  • your phone number (this applies to ugly people only)
  • apple cores, banana peels or the shells of sunflower seeds
  • used gum that you leave on the side of the plate so I have to scrape it off
  • gum of any kind
  • pennies
  • newspapers
  • false teeth, dentures, partials or a gold tooth that you will come back for the next day and then be all surprised that i don't know where the hell it is.
  • your "to-go" food that I didn't want to wrap up but I did anyway even though it was like one fucking french fry
What else can we add to this list? I wanna see a lot of comments, ladies and gents.




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30 comments:

helle_cat said...

Newspapers. I fucking hate newspapers! And as always they are spread all over the booths like the damn thing fucking exploded while they were reading it.

Alicia said...

Used toothpicks!!!

Alicia said...

The customer copy of a credit slip that they have torn into a million pieces

Lucky Tiger said...

Do not use a tooth pick at the table, and if you must take the nasty wood with you!

Anonymous said...

Used coloring books, and while these things may not exactly be things patrons leave at the table, I used to get really tweaked when parents would let their kids play games at the table, and I was finding game pieces all through my section for the next week.

Noelle said...

dido on the toothpick yuck!
action figures, finger splints, ugly sunglasses or shades that go over regular glasses, cheaters, cheap ugly jewelry, scarves, MINT WRAPPERS though better on the table than the typical floor.

Alicia said...

I hate when people come in to eat for someones birthday or other special occasion and decide to decorate the table. If only I had a dollar for every wad of tissue paper or piece of freaking confetti I have had to pick up over the years

Brittany said...

I found a diaper at one of my tables once. So fucking disgusting. I hate my life.

bruce said...

finger nail or toenail clippings!

oh and cloth hankerchiefs...i know a few old codgers still use those!

Bruce and Tucker
Bruce Johnson JADIP
Evil Twin
stupid stuff I see and hear
The Dreamodeling Guy
dreamodeling!
The Guy Book
The Guy Book

J9 said...

used birth control devices. Actually not used ones too.

Mary A. said...

bandaids or any sort of bandage, the wrapper from a kotex or worse -- an actual kotex.

Joe Sixtop said...

evangelism materials AND shitty tips. Ever notice how the two so often go together?!

Lorenza said...

I hate when people leave floss on the table. Its happened more than once to me and its fucking sick. Far worse than a toothpick if you ask me. Some slimy piece of string covered in tooth goop... Why would anyone floss at the table anyway?!? Do you eat in the bathroom then? Sick bastards.

Blondeology said...

I once had a guy who left his tooth on the table and forgot to take it home with him. He called all day long and we told him when we cleaned at night we would keep an eye out for it. He decided to come in and stare down my table until they left so he could search for himself! Ew.

The Candid Corker said...

Hard candy and lollipops that they decided NOT to finish.

nancy said...

A used hypodermic needle. I had a regular lady who was diabetic who would shoot up her insulin and then leave the fucking thing on the table! It should be illegal!

Michelle said...

Panties. Small plastic hearts post-bridal shower. Children's snack crackers and juice box cartons.

Tony Van Helsing said...

Discarded auras, plastic hip joints or turds. Sorry, I'm drunk.

Anonymous said...

How about you remember to take your fucking leftovers... ya know the ones that you demanded I box for you when you saw me get 4 new tables at once. I made that request a priority because you seemed in a hurry to get going and quite frankly I got sick of your fucking face! You weren't going anywhere though, you still wanted to loiter at my table and watch me bust my chops for your ungrateful sorry ass.

Athena said...

Who leaves a diaper on the table? Seriously, some people are disgusting. Change your baby in the ladies room, and put the diaper in the bin, where it belongs, not on the table where people eat.

Melelina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melelina said...

spit up food/spit up rag that smells like baby vomit and misc crap gross. Lolly pops, jolly ranchers a Penny glued to the table.

Anonymous said...

I actually found a used douche one time. Not at the table but in the restroom, which servers still had to clean at my old restaurant. What the hell?! Who is out at dinner and thinks, hmmm, I think it's time that I go freshen up. ?!?

Anonymous said...

Fancy sunglasses...as long as you don't come back looking for them.

Anonymous said...

15%

Anonymous said...

15%

Angry Nerd Server said...

Urine, feces and/or vomit. If you puke at the table, do not discreetly try to hide it. Tell the server or manager so we're prepared to want to die when we find your mess. Also, don't forget your baggies that you used to store your pot in in the bathroom. You're an idiot and a waste of air. And don't forget, the infamous cheerio mess. I understand that cheerios are a handy and convenient snack for young children. But pick up the goddamn mess! How anyone could leave shit all over the table is beyond me. Hell, I don't have kids yet. But some day, I will. You can bet your ass that I'm not going to leave shit all over the table, or the floor. How hard is it to pick your shit up? Fuck.

Rhonda said...

WOW..CAN SOMEONE GIVE YOU ALL A LITTLE ADVICE...MAYBE GET A JOB THAT YOU'RE HAPPY DOING...SUCH NEGATIVE NANNIES..DEBBIE DOWNERS...HOLY...ENJOY LIFE:)

ticketstabber said...

Rhonda, you are on the WRONG blog, honey!

CREDIT CARDS!
Don't sign your slip and then leave your credit card in the book. I will try to catch you and return it. (True if you were cool, untrue if you were a dick, and completely untrue if I have a hidden shot to finish in the back.) However, when you come storming back later, eyeing the entire staff down like we all plotted to STEAL your card, well...Then It makes me wish that i had given my sweaty friend the hardworking busboy a buttcrack credit card "swipe" if you know what I mean.

Anonymous said...

Used, or even unused, condoms. I found out when I was working at a cinema and cleaning up the room before letting the next wave of customers in for the next showing Django. I don't know why you'd want to do it in a cinema, especially in an action movie like Django, but if you can't keep your hormones under control, at least take the f***ing thing with you! I was disgusted when I found that.