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Thursday, March 3, 2011

Incomplete Parties Piss Me Off

You know what I hate? I mean other than babies, Holly Hobbie and bathroom attendants. I hate incomplete parties who sit in my station and act annoyed that I am trying to do my job even though they are still waiting for people. Last week, a woman was sitting alone and the show was about to start in 15 minutes. I politely asked her if she would like anything to drink. She acted like I asked her if her period was a light or heavy flow, you know, the most inappropriate thing ever. "Well, I am waiting for my guests and I don't think I want to drink alone. Come back when my party is complete." Okay, fine. She said "drink alone" as if she was going to be sucking down Bloody Mary's and bourbons all by herself in the corner of a dark room. Like I was insinuating that she must be an alcoholic who has no problem drinking alone. And often. (Oh God, I think I am describing myself...) I smiled at the old twat bag and told her I'd be back when her other three guests were there. Eventually, another old bag of bones joined her and I could see that they were trying to get my attention. But I knew she was still waiting for two more people and I was not going to that bitch again until her whole party was there. That's what she said she wanted and I aim to please dried up bitches like her. Yes, I do. I walked past their table about six or seven times, always managing to have my focus in a different direction. The show was five minutes away and still her party was incomplete. Two minutes and still only two of them. "Oh well, I guess they will just have to order after the show starts." Once the lights went down, Prune Face flagged me down. Even though her party was still incomplete, I graciously approached her table. "Well, we're ready to order now!" she said all prune-facey and bitchy. "Oh, are you? I was just waiting for the rest of your group to get here. Like you asked." I said this slowly so that she would miss the beginning of the performer's first song because I am just bitchy that way. "It's just the two of us now," she hissed. "The other people can't make it." I thought about how wise these people must be to have skipped an evening sitting with this insufferable biddy bitch from bloody hell. "Oh, in that case, what can I get for you to drink?" Of course she wanted a hot tea. What else would someone like that want? Maybe a decaf coffee with skim milk or a glass of tap water with lemon and no ice? Herbal tea it was. The other lady ordered a beer. Three minutes later I was back at her table with hot water and a box of tea choices. I set it in front of her and told her she could choose from our wide assortment of flavors, knowing full well that her cataract covered eyes would never be able to decipher the tea varieties in the soft candle light. Not my problem though. She should have fucking ordered when I asked her and she could have had all the light she needed. But the show had started and now all she had was one tiny votive candle. Poor her.

They didn't want anything else for the rest of the night which was fine by me. Was I a little bit vindictive with old lady twat ho from hell? Perhaps. But I just didn't like the way she treated me from the very beginning. She could have been so much nicer about asking me to come back to her table instead of barking orders at me like I was her servant or maid or husband. She had an attitude problem and my station ain't big enough for two people with an attitude problem. It's big enough for one person with an attitude problem: me. I hope she enjoyed her tea with lemon. By the way, when I picked out her lemon, I found the slimiest, most nasty ass lemon wedge I could find. It was the least I could do. Too bitchy? Probably. But I'm good with that.



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29 comments:

Nikita said...

She deserved it!! Good for you!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Even for someone who calls themself Bitchy Waiter you are a nasty piece of work. I don't think her coment about not being ready to order was that bad. Jesus, calm down.

Noelle said...

yep pisses me off too. Why can't you order with out the rest of your party??? why?? why?? why??? aren't you thirsty? Happens here to

dinning guests: We're waiting for 3 more.
Hostess (me): Great have a seat in the lounge soandso will get you a beverage /cocktail while your waiting, I can seat you when your the rest of your party arrives. (smile)
- -politely bossy, but reasonable requests. Oh NO! They would really like to be seated. I think some people think "the lounge" is a seedy place where they'll witness all kinds of depravity. Instead of just a holding pen for available tables and PARTIALLY ARRIVED PARTIES. There is a special tab for them in the reservation software and everything. Stupid guests clog up valuable dinning space, confuse servers, wreck good timing, all around pain, but happens all the time.

The Bitchy Waiter said...

@Tony: and why are you here? I don't think you like this blog very much, right?

Jewels said...

Yet another reason I am so glad I have never worked in the food service industry! I give you incredible credit for not dumping that hot water in her lap. I have no patience for rude people. I am always so nice with smiles and thank you's and helping stack dishes when I am out to eat...people who treat waiters and waitress' poorly are pieces of shit.

Practical Parsimony said...

I think Tony does not get the lady's attitude. Jewels, there are many reason not to be in food service. BW, have you ever written a post about things people do to your tray? I had people tap on a tray full of drinks while I was bending and balancing the tray. Third time--tray full of drinks in their lap. 2nd commandent--keep your hands and anything else off my tray. No, you don't need to help me by putting your glass on the tray because I keep it balanced with my hand pressure.

Mary A. said...

Ooops Tony -- you forgot to sign in as anon.

Becky said...

Honest to god women are just such bitches these days. Id rather wait on men all day long than deal with the crazy that women(especially groups of them) bring. They sit forever, are over the top demanding, rude, and then for the icing on the cake leave crap tips. Now obviously not ALL women are like this, but it does seem to be getting worse. What happened to LADIES? Did feminism kill them all? B/c I mostly encounter bitches these days.....and don't even get me started on incomplete parties.....no it's not ok to sit at my big top for an hour(in which I could have turned that table) while you wait for your late ass friends....

Becky said...

And btw, I'm not knocking feminism or being a bitch lol....lord knows as a feisty Italian girl I'm quite capable of getting my stone cold bitch on( sometimes you have to:) But my parents raised me to act like a lady and treat others with respect, something I find very lacking these days in a lot of women.

Tony Van Helsing said...

I like the blog a great deal. I've never worked in the catering industry so I don't know how frustrating it must be at times. This is one reason I like to read this blog, so I can get your perspective. It doesn't mean I have to kiss your arse.

blogger sam said...

she sounds like a witch from one that film "the witches"

Anonymous said...

The question I have for any wait staff is "What is your real purpose for being hired?" From an employer's standpoint, it is to sell food and drink and provide service to the degree that the customer feels like their needs are met and wish to come back. Not all customers are easy, but a good wait person will still accomplish the goal.

When a customer is abusive, though, a line has been crossed and the wait person has every right and even the obligation to go to the manager and request assistance. But as inconvenient as this customer was, I am not sure that she was abusive.

Oh, and I am signing in as anonymous because I saw what happened to Tony.

The Empress said...

It is good when inconsiderate and rude customers are given exactly what they ask for. Hopefully now that crusty old twat won't be pulling shit like that on any other wait staff in the future.

Blondeology said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wanda said...

Ok, let me try this once again, I was here earlier and the electric went off, so I had to wait....

This old biddy bitch could have at least ordered a water while she was waiting for her guest to arrive. Another great example of why I will never work in the food service industry, I have NO patience with this type of person!

P.S. I just read the comment you left on my blog post.
THANK YOU FOR CHECKING LIL OLE ME OUT, YOU ARE LIKE A FRICKEN CELEBRITY TO ME!!

Blondeology said...

I wish miserable people would stay at home by themselves and not piss everyone else off! You should have given her salt instead of sugar by "accident."

Noelle said...

@Anon- Always interesting the perception of someone outside the industry. I realize I'm making an assumption.
Servers are hired to make the owners money. Usually with a program that pushes and sells harder than many servers are comfortable with. Asses in seats (all seats) drinking and eating. Maximize Average check. Trust me no owner is going to be overly excited about the opinion of a guest sipping on a cup of hot tea. She might be neglected a bit for guests drinking rounds of drinks with alcohol and food. She didn't even fill her reservation. Bitchy was plenty polite enough. Come on who can't drink tea ALONE? I was anticipating a cosmo.
Bitchy could have been frowned at by management in some places for such a low average check.
Sadly lonely tea drinker is probably going to be treated the same everywhere she goes. She thought the service was fine she's used to it. :)

The Bitchy Waiter said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa! I never said she was abusive and I was never abusive to her. I just treated her the same way she did me: with minimal manners and contact.

@Tony: we're cool, right?

Phoenix said...

I like how she said she couldn't drink alone... then ordered a tea. She must get really thirsty at her house when no one is there to... share the water.

Al Penwasser said...

I don't know, but it sounds like those kind of people deserve a nose oyster in their first round of drinks.
I'm not saying I'd do it. But, I'm not saying I wouldn't do it, either.
Put it this way, don't eat the cole slaw at Dino's Italian restaurant.
I'm just sayin'.

Al Penwasser said...

Tony! Bitchy! Can't you see you're tearing the family apart?

YOUR KING said...

I CAN NOT WAIT until you tell me you got a book deal! Brilliant as always - bringin' the LOL's! No doubt!

Well done you!
-TGK

Ryan said...

Fuck that ho bag wench.

Athena said...

I'm sure some people here are taking your post as if you were rude to the lady rather then just being slightly annoying to her. She was being very short and unpleasant, while Bitchy was just asking what she wanted to order. Customer or not, being polite is still not that hard. She deserved a little waiting time, he wasn't being rude, just teasing her, which is really not a big deal.

Anonymous said...

Clarification for Noelle. I am not outside the industry. I have bussed, I have been a bar back and a dishwasher, I have bartended, and I have schlepped food to more cheapskates than I can remember. I have managed staff. I have planned produced large hospitality events. I have catered. My point was not about Bitchy's particular actions, but to place things in context vis a vis Tony's comments.

Let me again answer my own question. What is the purpose of wait staff? It is simply to make money for the owners. Indeed when a customer is irritating, an excellent wait person will find a way to increase the bottom line. It may mean offering up an inexpensive freebie or it may mean flirting or it may mean building the anticipation so more is ordered than originally planned. A great waiter is a savvy psychologist able to quickly determine what will maximize the exchange between establishment and customer.

To Bitchy: Forgive me for implying that this customer was abusive. In my urge to point out the big picture about customers, I did not explain my intentions clearly. My point was that there is a difference between an irritating customer and an abusive customer. This customer was NOT abusive and you handled the situation as well as it could be done (without getting someone to hold her had back and pouring alcohol down her gullet). The thing about abusive customers is that they should not be handled by the wait person alone.

Back to the general:
I have known some wait staff who find their work endless fascinating, if somewhat frustrating from time to time. They take pride in doing a good job and finessing difficult situations. I The Bitchy Waiter is a fine example of someone who cares to do a terrific job.

Then there are those wait staff who act as if the world owes them a living, who despise their jobs and the people they serve, along with their bosses and co-workers. Those people need to take a break from waiting and find out why they are perpetually unhappy and nasty to everyone around them. Or they need to find some other miserable people to be around and I bet Bitchy could recommend a restaurant or two where their attitude might match management's pretty well.

Tony Van Helsing said...

@Al Penwasser: But Dad, he started it!

Al Penwasser said...

Well, alright then. Go to bed.

laura said...

Sometimes I wish you were boring. Laughs. And I think I'm falling for you. <3 Laughs! But after reading your post title? You HATE everyone. Such a hard@ss. Well, I hope u do get a book offer, be a rich *itch. I want some of that money pie. Winks. In regards to comments I think its funny how the "nice" people HATE the BW. Slapping you with there words. Laughs. owie.

Pancake Grrrl said...

I get this weird shit all the time and we don't serve alcohol, so I'm not sure what the problem is. Maybe if I was waiting for my party at an establishment that served alcohol, I would want to see if everyone was planning on getting shitfaced or drinking coffee... but probably not. I don't know why some people feel the need to wait and see what every one else is drinking before they make a decision. What did you drink last time you were in a restaurant? Not people you know, just you. What did you drink? It doesn't seem important enough to wait.