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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Just Tell Me What You Want to Drink

This is a repost, because I have a long day today. I have to be at work at 11:30 and won't be finished until 11:30. I don't know how my body is supposed to be away from the couch and the computer for over 12 hours, but I am going to try it today. God have mercy on my lazy ass soul.

Maybe I have said this before, but it bears repeating. I cannot stand when I ask someone what they want to drink and they respond with some dumb ass response like "what do you have?" It makes me want to grab their nipples, twist them off and use them as a garnish on their Cosmopolitan. Seriously? What do we have? We are a bar. We have what all bars have. There's a pretty good chance we'll have what you want unless you're asking for the milk of the aloe vera plant, a glass of water from the Fountain of Youth, or Tang. And then they look at me like they think I'm really going to recite a laundry list of every possible beverage. I would think that most people have a pretty good idea of what they want to drink. Don't we all have our usual suspects? A Coke, a gimlet, a water. But maybe this asswipe was new to our planet and really wasn't sure what we offered. Perhaps I should have been more patient with our inter-planetary friend but I was not in the mood. I responded with "the usual things that a bar has to drink, so I'll let you think it over and come back later." I don't have time for that shit. If he really needs help, there is thing we have in the club that is made for that purpose. It's called a menu. Look at it. Choose something. I will bring it.

So let's review. If you have a question about a beverage, make it a good one. Like "what reds do you have by the glass?" or "do you have any non-alcoholic beer?" or "if I have six margaritas, you're not gonna to cut me off, are you?" (Okay that last question might be just for me when I go to Margarita Mondays.) Just don't ask some broad-based stupid ass question like "what do you have?" It will piss me off. And pissing off your server right before he hands you your Coors Light is not a good idea.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

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Lauren said...

You're not the only one. I look at people like they're oozing idiot juice when they ask me this, hand them the drink book like it's a coloring book, and walk away.

One of my new favorite idiots, though, are the men that want to pretend to be beer connoisseurs. Instead of looking on the first page of the oversized drink book that's right in front of them for our listing of draft beers, they feel it necessary to get up from the table (or their spot at the bar, as I bartend), take too long to squeeze through the busy as hell restaurant, and walk over to the taps to see what we've got. They then stand there for another 3-4 minutes and inspect them, asking stupid questions that someone who actually knew about beer wouldn't have to ask. When they get back to the table from their Beer-Venture, they then order a god damned Coors Light. Really now?? All that, just to order some piss water?

Aaah, I love my job...

Elizabeth Singleton said...

No, you're not alone. Generally, I lack patience with people who have zero common sense or ask stupid questions like this one. If a server in a bar/restaurant asks me what I'll have and I feel like something other than my standard vodka 7-up, then I will specifically ask for a drink menu if I don't see one. But I would never expect my server to recite ever frickin drink ever created. What the eff is wrong with people?

Ashleigh said...

yup, this drives me crazy. 1st: the drink menu is right in front of your lazy ass...READ IT!
2nd:when you ask what kind of sodas we have: (again read the menu) I get if you want to know if we serve Coke or Pepsi, but you want me to go through all our sodas? you don't have one you usually prefer that you can
order by name? and then you order ice tea??
3rd:if you are sitting at my bar, and you want something, "kind of sweet, but not too, sort of sour, but make sure its, not an amaretto sour, too weak. no,long island? um too strong, cant you just make me something?" yes, I can. but no I wont. just leave, just leave.

nancy said...

If the customer is too lazy/stupid to look at the drink menu and asks me, "What do you have?" I just throw it back at them and ask them, "Well, what do you like?" Same with beer. "What kind of beers do you have?" I shoot back with "What kind of beer do you like?" MOST of the time the customer then realizes what a ridiculous question they have just asked and I get a meek reply. Occasionally, though, I get someone who actually thinks that I want to hear what kind of beers they prefer and starts to ramble on about hops and alcohol content. (insert eye roll here).

helle_cat said...

The one I hate is, I work at a place that serves only waffles...not a pancake in sight.

People CONSTANTLY ask me for pancakes.

I just stare at them blankly till they figure it out

Ryan said...

Ridiculous question. Throw a five knuckle shuffle at them!

Harmony said...

I hate when people sit down at my bar directly in front of all the taps and ask "do you have beer on tap" or "what do you have on tap?" Depending on my mood and how busy I am, I have started to just gesture Vanna White style at the variety of beers behind me and walk off for a minute for them to decide.

Last night I had someone ask me for a mojito and I politely said that I can't make that because we don't have mint leaves. The guy that was with the woman who asked for the mojito half-jokingly asks "what kind of bar is this" to which I smiled and replied "a sports bar" - in my head I'm thinking obviously THIS is not the kind of place to whip you up a mojito from scratch, bitch.

Mary A. said...

It's like going into a McDonald;s and not knowing what to order.

It's McDonald's, asshole. It has the same fucking menu in 48 countries.

L.Voss said...

ugh my husbands hates it when I ask if the tea is available presweetened. he was a waiter for 5 years and he always bitched about people not reading the menu

stream27 said...

I like to try new beer, but I usually try to narrow it down by origin and whether it's bottled or not. I'll ask what kinds of German/Belgian/dark/ whatever beer is on tap, hoping that whoever is serving me is not hating my guts.

Also, the shout out to Tang made my day. I think I bled that stuff from ages 3-12.

Noelle said...

I don't understand if you drink at all how you can not have an idea what you want to drink.

Just like this question. "What would I like better, the Salmon or the rib bye."
"Do I want apples or oranges?" DUH!

AHotMess said...

I work at a place whose name rhymes with Snapple Trees. People are constantly asking me what we have to drink. Are you fucking serious? someone buy this bitch a clue.

dirtydisher said...

That "What do you have?" comment is made to someone who invited you to their home, not a server. It is so completly stupid and such a time waster you just want to punch the person who says it. Some of these dumb bells just do not understand how to behave and should not be allowed out in public.

Kelly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelly said...

have you read thebitchybusser? even though you're a waiter, i think you guys would hit it off.

Anonymous said...

I definitely feel the same way.

People like their servers to think for them. So when I get this question, I read the person, and tell them a drink I think they will like. Then they think I'm amazing and the smartest person ever.

Anonymous said...

I have another sub-category of idiot for you:
I used to have a couple who would look at the menu, then put the menu down. My cue to come get their order, right? EVERY TIME I asked if they were ready to order, the man would look at his wife and say, "What do I want to day?" And then they'd begin their discussion, without looking at the menu again. Several minutes later she would order something for both of them. ARGH!!!

It reminds me of a T-shirt I used to have:

Stupid Kills
(but not nearly often enough)

Sarah said...

when people ask me questions like that I go off on a tangent and list everything that we have and if the start to interrupt i keep asked. maybe it will keep them from asking such a dumbass question again.

Anonymous said...

This bugs me too!

Or "is your sweet tea good". Um no, it is far too sweet for me but you will likely add sweet n low to yours.

Then there is this one "do you have Coke or Pepsi products". I like that question because I always think I can just answer it. But then when I say "coke" they order a Pepsi product!!