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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Got Milk?

Sometimes customers want as much as they can get away with a even if it means sacrificing their own health to get it. Many years ago when I worked at an all you can eat buffet, plenty of people took those words to heart. Maybe some of them looked at the sign and thought it said "all you can stuff into your pie hole until you almost need to throw up but not quite so it's okay to go back and get three more pieces of cheesecake." It was really kinda disgusting how much people would eat just because they had already paid for it. Never mind that little voice inside the head that's saying "I'm full, enough already." If it was included in the price then they wanted to at least take a bite of it.

It really bothered me when I saw people go up to the dessert table and take five different desserts because they couldn't decide what they wanted. So they would just take one bite of each one and then discard it. Fucking wasteful. I watched another lady stuff a pile of rolls into her purse and then her husband had the nerve to ask me to go up to the buffet table and get him another piece of bread. I told him to ask his wife he could have one of hers since she had a baker's dozen in her bag. But my favorite was this man who wanted to know what beverages were included with the buffet because he wanted to make sure he got one of each. This man had a mimosa, a Bloody Mary, some coffee, an orange juice and a soda. "So, is there any other drink that's included that I haven't had yet?" he asked me as he laughed to all if his friends. He really thought he was going to get his money's worth, eh? "Ummm, how about a glass of milk to go with your waffle?" I suggested. Of course he said yes. I went to the side stand and got a pint glass, reached into the fridge and pulled out the half and half. The glass was filled to the rim with rich creamy fat and he hungrily took it from my eager hands. I sauntered back to the side stand and my friends and I waited to see if he would drink it. He drank every drop. We could hear his arteries clogging from across the room. I never did figure out how many calories were in that one glass of "milk." In order to prove my high school math teacher right, I will now use the math that I swore I would never need in my real life. I shall calculate:

Two tablespoons of half and half has 40 calories and 2 grams of saturated fat (10% of daily allowance.)
Two tablespoons equals 1 ounce
There are 16 ounces in a pint.
Therefore, that pint of half and half had 640 calories and 32 grams of fat, meaning he consumed over 150% of his fat intake in that one glass of half and half.

But it was included in the price, so it's okay. You're welcome. And thank you to Ms. Huddleston who taught me how to use math. Kinda. That mathematical equation may or may not be accurate. If it's wrong, Anonymous will let me know shortly. Oh and go here to look at my Etsy shop, okay?

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18 comments:

Simple Dude said...

That is awesome - served him right. When his horrible lifestyle sends him to an early grave, from his deathbed he can look back on that moment and say "you know... maybe I should have skipped the glass of milk."

SD
http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/

Mind Of Mine said...

Its a guideline, not a challenge.

The Empress said...

The whole all you can eat buffet concept pretty much grosses me out. They should have warning signs over the buffet letting all those clueless gluttons know that consuming excess calories and high amounts of fat is dangerous to one's health. ...Rather shocking that the guy managed to slam an entire glass of half and half like it was water. ...Hopefully those restaurants have emergency medical services on speed dial!

Hope you are feeling better! xo

http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

blue-eyes said...

I hate, hate, hate, buffets. Nothing pisses me off faster than fat cows trying shove other fat cows in line for the last scoop of greasy mac n cheese. I live in the south, so usually the people who go to said buffets are larger than the buffet itself. *Shudders*

A real Guy's guy said...

Ms Huddleston was one of my two favorite teachers ever.

I shan't use my real name, as to protect your anonymity.

Bouncin' Barb said...

Love your evilness...haha. I hate buffets. If I'm going out to dinner I want full service. Buffets are full of slobs, bratty kids, and people without class. Not saying everyone but that's what buffets attract.

http://bouncinbarb.blogspot.com

Mary A. said...

Am now blushing because I just got beack from lunch at the Olive Garden. And if that weren't embarassing enough, I ordered the ALL YOU CAN EAT soup salad and breadsticks. And had 2 servings of everything -- except breadsticks. I had 6 servings of those. I didn't even eat (most) of my second serving because I wasn't hungry.

I thought of you & how if you worked at The Olive Garden in Corpus Christi you would have to post about the 2 fat slobs at table 67 who insisted on separate checks and seconds of everyhting even though we didn't eat it.

And I was so ashamed that I didn't even ask for extra mints.

Just Plain Tired said...

Shutting down buffet's would go a long way toward solving the obesity issue in this country. Seriously. I usually eat out often and a buffet is a place I end up at frequently. I've seen crazy heaping, multi-plates of food ingested by people.

Adventure Spot said...

Ha ha very nice! I think I would of done the same. I am not going to lie though I love going to buffets! Although I eat everything on my plate because I literally get myself ready for about two days prior. I only grab things I like and sometimes will try something new. I have seen many people go up to Country Buffet and fill their plate with a huge pile of Mashed Potatoes just because they can. Although I have seen a few people eat the whole damn thing along with all the other food they piled high. Completely gross and I think I didn't go back for almost a year after seeing that. Anyhoot loved the post :)

Maryam said...

Lol! There's this place where I live called The Village. Once a whole bunch of guys from my class went there for lunch, and didn't know that drinks were charged and were not free. They ordered every drink on the menu - this really stingy guy, assuming the same ordered everything- even sugarcane juice, which you can get for Rs. 20 (less than a dollar) in Karachi anywhere else. Of course their eyes popped at the exorbitant amount on the bill.Thankfully, one of them had a credit card and bailed them all out.

Mama Sky said...

I dont like buffets due to the fact you know it comes with extra snot, spit, fecal matter and god knows what else thanks to all those people walking by it and leaning/reaching into it... Its bad enough to think about the waiters and cooks did to it already. On the rare occasion when someone takes me to eat at a buffet I barely have one small sized plate. They then complain saying I need to get my moneys worth and eat several large heaping plates. I just gag and say no thanks

Levonne said...

We are such a glutoneous society. Have you watched all those shows on the Food channel about eating 10 pound burritos and 20 pound hamburgers and the like? Who needs it?!

Anonymous said...

Having worked in a coffee shop I can relate. I have, on one occasion had to make an large iced breve.
it was a 20 oz drink, containing 2 oz of espresso, ice, and the rest of the glass filled with half and half.
so so so so wrong.

Nimita said...

Etsy shop comment- howcome the pendants don't look bitchy? Like the sloppy pancake cover image you have? The artichoke looks especially cutesy-pie..

Bagel Fairy said...

One day I made a caramel latte with six pumps of caramel syrup (that's twice as many as the normal amount and took up more room the espresso), then later had to make a caramel latte with extra syrup, only one shot of espresso, and steamed half and half (not milk). So, basically, both these women ordered 600-calorie lattes - and, in the latter case, steamed cream with sugary syrup and a splash of coffee.

TwisterB said...

OOOHHH the humanity!!!

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OSgieUebO4

Anonymous said...

Wow... when I got to Fresh Choice I only have salad, soup, root beer and desert. That guy's a pig!