As we look at the new year ahead, we are all filled with hope because it's a clean slate; a chance to start fresh, to control alt delete, if you will. And we can't have a New Year's Day without at least throwing some resolutions up against the wall and seeing what sticks. I will try to keep a few things in mind as I drink my way through the next 365 days.
- I will try to give my eye muscles a break by not rolling them so often when people ask me for stupid fucking shit like a martini with extra liquor.
- If a baby is in my station I will not immediately assume it's an asshole. I will wait three minutes before I determine its asshole-ness.
- Sometime in 2012, I will finagle a way to be on national television again on something like The Chew or Unique Eats. It will happen though, even if it means I have to go stand behind a news reporter with a cardboard signs that says www.TheBitchyWaiter.com on it.
- I am going to try to become Superstar Employee of the Month even though everyone else at my job deserves it way before I do.
- The next time a lady tells me she wants her burger cooked medium and then sends it back because it has a little pink in it, I will not mentally shove the burger down her throat. Instead, I will smile and tell her I will have it cooked medium-well and when she's not looking I will take a picture of her with my cell phone and submit the photo to my Facebook page with the caption of "Stupid Fucking Bitch."
- I will appreciate every shift meal I get because I know there are children in Africa who would love to eat a bowlful of leftover pasta with corn and skate that sat under the warmer so long that it grew its own skin.
- I will do The Bitchy Waiter Show in New York City and invite everyone to come see me bitch live and in person.
- This year, I will try to wash my apron.
- I will sell some more of my Bitch Proud bracelets.
- Maybe in 2012 I won't manage to get a server fired just because the server was a rude asshole.
- I am going to attempt to memorize what kind of scotch we serve so that I don't always have to go ask the bartender. Seriously, I have a mental block with that liquor.
- I am going to finally figure out a cocktail to make using that Bubblegum Vodka I got 366 days ago.
- If the world ends (again) this year, I will try to be first in line for the party express bus to hell where I know most of you will be joining me.
- I will marry my boyfriend.
- Most importantly, I resolve to keep writing as often as I can. This blog makes me happy and even if it never goes further than this, it is a great thing for me. I thank you for reading it and I love when you email or comment or suggest it to your friends. Thank you.
So what about you? Do you have a resolution for 2012? Let me know. Leave a comment, even if it's just to say "Happy New Year, you tired ass bitch."
Happy New Year and here's to a great 2012!