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Pearl was one of those waitresses who always has a quick comeback whenever you ask for anything and if she didn't say it with a smile and a wink you would just think she was a total bitch. I wanted to know what it was like to wait tables on a train and live in the same place that you work for days at a time. She told us that her days were 18 hours long and she worked three days in a row and then had six days off. As if waiting tables isn't hard enough, Pearl has to do it 18 hours at a time and on a train that sways back and forth as it rolls across the country. She was my new hero. I asked her how she managed to deal with such a crazy kind of job. Her answer: drugs. I just fell in love with her a little bit more. I think she meant something like Ambien or Prozac, but in my mind I imagined good ol' Pearl curled up in her sleeping quarters while sucking on a crackpipe and free basing some crystal meth before her breakfast shift.
By the end of my breakfast, she told me that her drugs had kicked in and she had a joke for me. "What do you call a cow eating grass?" she asked. In my world that would just be a hamburger, but she told me the answer was a "lawn mooer!" And then she busted out laughing like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard. Hmm, maybe she really was on crack. Her joke led to a whole smorgasbord of bad jokes from every other table in the dining car. And here they are:
Q: What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards?
A: A receding hare line!
Q: What do you call a monkey with a time bomb?
A: A baboom!
Q: What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?
A: Dam!
Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven ate nine!
Thank you, folks. I'm here all week. Try the veal.
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16 comments:
"What did the hot dog say when he crossed the finish line first?"
"I'm a weiner!"
What do you call a sleeping cow?
A bulldozer.
Whats the favorite letter for pirates?
RRRR
What's the smallest room in the world?
"Mushroom".
"What do you call a deer with no eyes?"
"No eye deer!"
"What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?"
"Still no eye deer!"
Q - Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
A - It was dead!
what's a cat's favorite book?
a tail of two kitties
what's brown and sticky?
A stick!
har de har har
What do you do with a dog that has no legs?
take him for a drag
While reading your train-post, I remembered one incident of my life. A beggar once asked me while I was traveling on train one day: "Sir, can you tell me 100 words within 5 minutes those don't have an 'a'?" I became tensed. I couldn't tell the answer. The answer is: one to hundred!
Why do seagulls fly by the sea?
Because if they flew by the bay they'd be baygulls.
ROFL - the fishy one is the best!
what's brown and sticky?
... a stick.
yeah.
see sarah beat me to the stick joke though. oh well, there are only so many good ones to go around.
hahaha! i knew a pearl like that. the drug thing too. lol.
good grief
Here's a lame anatomy joke I came up with in college:
Me: I have oil on my skin.
Friend: Why?
Me: I can't tell you.
Friend: Why not?
Me:...It's a secrete.
What is green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.
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