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Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Dumb Question #525,600

Sadly, I was not at work when someone asked the most stupid question I have ever heard a customer ask. I understand that sometimes people may not understand everything on the menu or perhaps there is an ingredient that may be unfamiliar, but when I was told this I had to question if the customer was either a four-year old child, new to this country or just plain retarded. The question:

"This chips and salsa...what is salsa?"

What is salsa? Salsa? Has this person never come out from the rock that she must be living under? How does someone not know what salsa is? I guess if it had just said "salsa" on the menu without the prerequisite "chips" it could possibly throw someone off, but I think "chips and salsa" is pretty clear. I suppose my co-worker answered with some vague description like "it's a tomato based dip with chunks of fresh tomatoes and cilantro and peppers that is usually served with corn tortilla chips." How does one even describe salsa? It's like trying to say what water is. Try to describe water as if someone had never heard of it. It's impossible. Since I wasn't at work when this happened, I can only imagine what it would have been like if they would have asked me that question:

CUSTOMER: What is salsa?
ME: What?
CUSTOMER: This salsa stuff, what is it?
ME: You're kidding, right?
CUSTOMER: No, I've never heard of it. Do tell, please.
ME: I am I on fucking Candid Camera? Is this Punk'd? Are you Ashton Kutcher?
CUSTOMER: Excuse me, I would just like to know what salsa is.
ME: Salsa is a type of dance.
CUSTOMER: Oh, I see. And what does it come with?
ME: It comes with tortilla chips. I put them in a basket and then I have to put on a this kind of Flamenco outfit. And then as I serve the chips, I jump up on to your table and dance the salsa. You may have seen it performed on So You Think You Can Dance, but they didn't do it with chips. Just another person. Would you like the chips and salsa, because if you do I need to hurry so I have time to iron the costume.
CUSTOMER: Are there a lot of chips?
ME: There are a fair amount of chips, but way more salsa. I highly recommend it, but it might be better if you order it from Tom. He's better at the dance and the costume fits him quite nicely. Would you like Tom to bring you the chips and salsa?
CUSTOMER: That sounds lovely, yes. Thank you.
ME: Tom, table #3 wants chips and salsa. You better stretch and warm up.
TOM: What?
ME: Nothing, but would you please take an order of chips and salsa to table #3? Thanks, dear.

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Rachel said...

this makes me think of Seinfeld. BW- I think you just like to type SALSA

A said...

oh god...and I thought the phone call I got from a guest was bad (I work in an italian restaurant and they asked if we had any spaghetti dishes) there any way that we can just ship all these dumb people to an uninhabited island?

Noelle said...

I had someone ask the sex of our lobster. Probably a fine question if you live in Maine. We just serve the tail. Batter fried or broiled. In the middle of America. dumb.

AbbeM said...

I used to manage a movie theater. We had the same movie playing on two screens, one starting at 7:00 and the other at 8:00. A customer came to the ticket window at 7:35pm and asked if the 8:00 show had started yet. I had to turn around and leave before I said something I would regret.

Mary A. said...

Oh great -- now I want chips & salsa. With some queso. Mmmmmmm.

passenyeah said...

Customer: Are the Zucchini Fries... fried?
Me: (blank stare)

Haruka said...

"Are those hot wings hot?"

dirtydisher said...

New waitress: Is this chicken or fish?"

Me: "Those are wings."

New waitress: "Yeah, so..?"

Haruka said...

"Are those hot wings hot?"

flourchild said...

The other day I got asked what cheesesticks were....I wasn't even sure how to respond without sounding like a smartass. The woman then proceeded to order cheesesticks, call me back over after I had already put the order in, and asked if they cost extra. When did we start giving away anything for free? Especially with the big sign that says "CHEESESTICKS $3.95"
Wtf, people. Wtf.

msconversecrazy said...

this is nothing compared to the stupid question, i am sad to say my friend asked which was, "what flavour does the chocolate mousse come in?"

Min said...

HA! i have a small restaurant down in atlanta. one of my best sellers is a Philly cheesesteak. i had someone come in and ask me "whats a philly cheesesteak? im not from around here"

my response: "not from around here as in like Earth? or America?"

i own the establishment and enjoy i get to say what i really want. if i upset them, too fucking bad moron!!!!

The Empress said...

This incident only further demonstrates just how dumb some people really are. I hope in your fantasy scene that after Tom deliverd the chips and salsa that you did a couple dance steps as you went past the table!

J.Day said...

From my days in a pet store:
Moron - "What is the difference between fresh and salt water fish?"

Me - "One lives in rivers or lakes and the other lives in the ocean."

Moron - "So, what is the difference?"

Me - "About $500."

Moron - "Hmmm. I guess I will take the cheap one. Is this bright yellow a freshwater?"

Me - (trying not to kill) "No. As you see, it's under the SALT WATER sign."

Sauce said...

I've always been a fan of, "what's the difference between a boneless and bone-in wing?"

Some people shouldn't ever leave the house.

Practical Parsimony said...

When I was in graduate school, I happened to be in the student center/office building of the university when people came in to ask directions. They had been given direction to a museum--8th Ave N. The person behind the desk told them this was 8th Ave S. The person needing directions asked, "What is the difference between 8th Ave S and 8 Ave N. The person manning the desk, three young students and I all answered in unison, as though we planned it, "16 blocks."

Anonymous said...

My office is rather hard to locate, as it's inside a building with no signs outside it to indicate that we're hiding inside. So I get a phone call, and the lady asks,

"Are you in one of those buildings with the numbers on it?"

I just stayed quiet until she realized the idiocy of what she had asked.

Kitten with a Whisk said...

I have a good friend that works at Disney, she say the two most asked questions are: Why is it raining? and What time is the 3 o'clock parade?

How do you answer that with a straight face?

Merlott said...

"Do the sides come with anything?" No, they are side dishes meant to accompany an entree. "so if I just order a side of potatoes I don't get a salad or anything else with them?" I can add a small house salad if you like. "but I have to pay extra for that?" I wish I were kidding.

The Restaurant Manager said...

I have never thought about trying to describe water to someone!!

Very funny post!

TheDisgruntledUsher said...

I only noticed the Rent song in the title.

I went away happy, and had to come back and read the post - funny bit, I'd -just- asked my roommate to get some chips for our salsa.

KWB said...

We run a skydiving place and we get quite alot of stupid questions. The most frequently asked one is "When will it stop raining?"

"Well, I"m not sure. Let me phone up God and ask him an ETA of said rain stoppage."

Here's your sign.

FrontDeskGirl said...

I work at a hotel, and I think the dumbest question I've ever been asked was where the hook-up for the wireless internet was. Luckily, the guest called down from his room, so he couldn't see my face as I was talking to him.

Guest: "So, the wireless network..."
Me: "Yes?"
Guest: "How does that work?"
Me: "You just open up the wireless networks on your computer and connect to it, there's no password or anything."
Guest: "Okay. So where is that located?"
Me: "Where is what located?"
Guest: "The wireless network. Like near the desk?"
Me: "Umm, it's on your computer."
Guest: "Right, but where it is located? By the desk, right?"
Me: "Ummm..."

Amanda said...

I had a customer ask me what sourdough bread is. From a 40 year old man, who gets the BLT frequently, which COMES on sourdough.
Have you ever tried to describe sourdough bread? It's bread that tastes sour... It's white...

Anonymous said...

Top 3 most stupid questions I have been asked
3. What kind of pasta do you use in your lasagna?
2. Ya, umm what are chicken fingers?
1. Where is your bathroom?
Ha ha ha some people's children