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Valentine's Day is upon us and that means it's time to come up with the most romantic and unique gesture of love to show that special someone that you really care. That is, of course, if you are actually in a relationship. If you are single, then Valentine's Day is basically a reminder that you are alone and no one loves you. It's a weird little holiday we have. If you aren't in a relationship when Valentine's Day comes around, you wish you were and if you are in a relationship on Valentine's day, then there is a butt load of pressure to do the right thing.
I remember back in college when I never dated, when February 14th would roll around I would be consumed with depression. So one year I decided that I would just sit in my dorm room and watch television and treat myself to a pizza. I called up Domino's to place my order and began my night of celebrating myself. (Masturbation.) When the pizza arrived, I opened the box to see the most disgusting thing that could be delivered to a lonely person on Valentine's Day. The pizza was shaped like a goddamn fucking heart. It was a slap in the face to me who wanted to forget that everyone I knew was out with their boyfriend or their girlfriend. On the box was scrawled "Happy Valentine's Day!" but it may as have well said, "What kind of sad loser spends Valentine's Day alone in your dorm room? You suck." I cried. I ate my pizza. I masturbated. I cried again. Happy Valentine's Day.
Years later when I was partnered and we had celebrated many Valentine's Days, we made the decision to not really acknowledge that day anymore. No more gifts or flowers or chocolates. Just dinner if we felt like it. One night we had tickets to a show so we wanted to go to our favorite Italian restaurant before. It was a Tuesday night so we were surprised to see how crowded it was. We sat down and were given the menu which was much more expensive than it was the last time we had eaten there. The menu was all prix fixe and came with a bottle of wine. "What happened? Why is it so expensive now?" we wanted to know. We were told it was Valentine's Day so they had created a special menu for us. Bull fucking shit. We didn't even know it was February 14th. We promptly left because there was no way I was going to pay twice as much for the pasta on that day than I would have on the day before. Cupid can go fuck himself.
I think most of us have a love/hate relationship with Valentine's Day. We all know it's a day that was created by Hallmark and flower companies to boost sales in a slow time of year. If you have a girlfriend, you have to make sure you get her a card, a gift, some chocolates, a diamond and some flowers. It ain't easy. So I say if you're single on Valentine's day, live it up. Be happy that you don't have all the expectations of those folks who are part of a couple. When you see that little naked Cupid baby floating by with his wings and bow and arrow, I say get your can of Raid and spray the hell out of that bitch until he chokes on fumes. Valentine's Day can suck it.
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