Last month at a New Mexico grocery store called the Sunflower Market, a woman got a free tasting sample that had something in it that she had not bargained for. An employee, Anthony Garcia, was handing out samples of delicious and good-for-you Greek yogurt and the woman was offered a taste. She immediately spit it out because she said it "tasted like sperm." Yes, this woman knew what sperm tasted like and she spit that shit out onto the floor. She called the police, the sample was tested and the Greek yogurt came back positive for grade A pasteurized skim milk, live action yogurt cultures and a hot load of man juice. Hey, folks, I don't make this shit up. It's real. What in the hell is wrong with Anthony Garcia? According to his boss, they weren't even scheduled to be giving out free samples that day so at least we have to give him an A for effort-for exceeding expectations and being a real self-starter. But he self-started right into a cup of yogurt and then served it to some lady. Dude. Not cool. If you want someone to swallow, you definitely need to try a different approach; maybe some sweet nothings in her ear or a single red rose after dinner at Red Lobster will make her want to go that extra mile for you, but slipping it into yogurt at the grocery store? Not gonna work.
The employee was arrested because he had some other warrants out for his arrest too. He sounds like a real prize. The victim, in a (poorly) written statement said “I spit it out on the floor many times cuz I was upset.” The woman recalled that when she talked to the manager, “she told me was a Greek yoghurt. People love it has lot of protein on it.” I guess Anthony was just doing his part to add a bit more protein but Anthony: we like to be warned before we are going to swallow. It's common courtesy. Am I right or am I right? The woman's boyfriend was later heard muttering, "yeah, she won't swallow for me either..."
Meanwhile, how the hell am I ever supposed to feel comfortable eating my way through Costco again being scared that there is jizz in everything? There is a time and a place for semen and it ain't at Costco. Once Anthony gets to jail, he'll have plenty of time to offer his free samples to all his cellmates. He'll be real popular I bet.
Click here to follow The Bitchy Waiter on Twitter.
Click here to find The Bitchy Waiter on Facebook.