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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Possibly the Most Disgusting Thing You'll Ever Read

Last month at a New Mexico grocery store called the Sunflower Market, a woman got a free tasting sample that had something in it that she had not bargained for. An employee, Anthony Garcia, was handing out samples of delicious and good-for-you Greek yogurt and the woman was offered a taste. She immediately spit it out because she said it "tasted like sperm." Yes, this woman knew what sperm tasted like and she spit that shit out onto the floor. She called the police, the sample was tested and the Greek yogurt came back positive for grade A pasteurized skim milk, live action yogurt cultures and a hot load of man juice. Hey, folks, I don't make this shit up. It's real. What in the hell is wrong with Anthony Garcia? According to his boss, they weren't even scheduled to be giving out free samples that day so at least we have to give him an A for effort-for exceeding expectations and being a real self-starter. But he self-started right into a cup of yogurt and then served it to some lady. Dude. Not cool. If you want someone to swallow, you definitely need to try a different approach; maybe some sweet nothings in her ear or a single red rose after dinner at Red Lobster will make her want to go that extra mile for you, but slipping it into yogurt at the grocery store? Not gonna work.

The employee was arrested because he had some other warrants out for his arrest too. He sounds like a real prize. The victim, in a (poorly) written statement said “I spit it out on the floor many times cuz I was upset.” The woman recalled that when she talked to the manager, “she told me was a Greek yoghurt. People love it has lot of protein on it.” I guess Anthony was just doing his part to add a bit more protein but Anthony: we like to be warned before we are going to swallow. It's common courtesy. Am I right or am I right? The woman's boyfriend was later heard muttering, "yeah, she won't swallow for me either..."

Meanwhile, how the hell am I ever supposed to feel comfortable eating my way through Costco again being scared that there is jizz in everything? There is a time and a place for semen and it ain't at Costco. Once Anthony gets to jail, he'll have plenty of time to offer his free samples to all his cellmates. He'll be real popular I bet.



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26 comments:

Miss Sugar Bones said...

That is utterly disgusting! Why would someone do that? YUK!

Shannon said...

Umm...eww.

California Girl said...

Un-fucking real.

Bagel Fairy said...

I can't help but wonder: If he'd just been up front about the jizz yogurt, how many people would have had the sample? Because you know SOMEBODY would.

emily illinois said...

That's always been a fear of mine. I happen to ALWAYS be afraid of jizz or luggies in my food (though I have no real reason for this fear until now). I want to barf...srlsy.

Ryan said...

dis-fuckin-graceful -- i almost booted

Kara Hoag said...

What? That's the exact reason I GO to that store. Thanks for ruining it for me lady.


visions unto myself

Practical Parsimony said...

And, that is the best part of going to the stores that have samples--free lunch. Now, I may not be so eager to eat anything that is not prepared right in front of me....gag.

nicole said...

Wow... Just horrible, I would sue the shit out of them.

dirtydisher said...

I'll never eat yogurt again.

Mary A. said...

What? She doesn't like jizz? Spitter.

Maryam said...

EW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gross :S

Noelle said...

Leave it to a stupid man to think that is some sort of fun. I used to like that fancy Greek yogurt.
Guess we should be thankful to what-her-name for recognizing and informing authorities. I guess? Awkward. How did it go I wonder.
"That bastard put semen in the yogurt! arrest him!"

Marsha66 said...

like you wouldn't know what it taste like?!

The Empress said...

And I thought teenagers pissing in the pizza sauce bucket at Domino's back in high school was gross. This certainly takes the prize for originality as well as being beyond disgusting. Hopefully Mr. Yogurt Sampler likes what he was serving up because he will be eating plenty of that special sauce when he gets to prison.

http://rantersbox.blogspot.com/

Kate said...

That's fucking disgusting. - it's like a scene out of "Fight Club". Anthony went all Tyler Durden.

Thanks Bitchy - this will make tomorrow's lunch of greek yogurt and cereal a special experience.

Athena said...

That's gross, who does that?? Must have been one frustrated dude.

jnana said...

What's with people putting dashes of sperm or pubic hair in food? :/

Pierre said...

Hmmm, don't know whether I am disgusted or intrigued. But it sure says allot about the lady and her palette for being able to detect the nuance of sperm in her Greek Yogurt. I suspect not many other people did. Just saying...

ChinaDoll said...

this is really horrible and disgusting! Good thing he was arrested! yuck!

lj said...

ewwwww!!! that reminds me of the handsoap at TRU. I innocently grabbed some soap. Then "What the hell!!" Something putty like, smelling very bitter was dispensed unto my 'pure' hand. It was nothing like sweet, smelling handsoap.

Ahhhhh!!!

FemgineerFatale said...

Totally mind-"blowing"...

Mrs. Indecisive said...

don't let someone that's an asshat ruin the lunch from costco's samples!

Matt said...

+1 Mary A, +1 indeed

LawLucy said...

I am laughing so hard I am crying, but I am a sick fuck and I stopped swallowing a verrry LOOOONG time ago. I am appalled, disgusted and in disbelief and at the same time thinking 'wtf was Anthony thinking?'
I will NEVER eat another sample again.

Anonymous said...

I would not have said a thing. I would have got my gun out of the car, went back in, and shot him in the face!