Is Porky the Pig a Slut?

As I was walking my dog this morning, I was visually assaulted by an 18-wheeler cruising through my neighborhood. On it was a giant picture of a cartoon pig along with the words "Porky: Servicing the Food Industry." Now maybe I am just a dirty minded old man, but when I hear the word "servicing" I imagine someone on their knees providing oral stimulation to one of their dear close personal friends or a stranger they met in the bathroom of a Chipotle Mexican Grill. So of course, I went there. My mind conjured up an image of a line of waiters, bus boys, kitchen crew and managers all patiently waiting for their turn with someone named Porky. Now I assume what this Porky company actually does is provide food supplies to restaurants, but to me Porky just presents the wrong image. I can't help but think of the 1982 classic film, Porky's. (Since it was released way before I was born, I have only seen it on DVD, by the way.) But if I called Porky Products to enquire about the cost of some frozen chicken fingers and the receptionist answered with a perky, "Thank you for calling Porky, how can I service you?" all I would be able to think about would be that scene from Porky's the movie when Miss Balbricker is holding onto that guy's penis through a hole in the girls bathroom. I'd have to stifle a giggle and then hang up, because, yes, I really am that immature.

I also wonder how this company has managed to have a big cartoon pig as their logo and not have the fiery breath of Warner Brothers coming down on them for defiling the image of Porky the Pig. I would think they would come down on them so fast that Porky's ham hock ass would spin. A few years ago I was selling on eBay some painting of various Monopoly cards and I got a cease and desist order from Parker Brothers.

I was only selling these things for about twenty bucks, but they had their lawyers all over my ass. But Warner Brothers doesn't care that there is another Porky the Pig out there? And instead of stuttering, this Porky sells slabs of bacon and ham? And that's another thing. I don't want to see a cartoon pig selling me real pig. It's gross. It's like the pig is saying, "Hey, I'm a pig, so fry my bacon ass up and serve me with a side of grits and some eggs. Or you can take my rump and put it in a slow cooker for dinner. Or why not slice up my rinds and put them in a bag and eat them the next time you are watching World Class Wrestling or NASCAR? I'm the other white meat!"

Okay, enough. I just had to get that out of my system. Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-... That's all, folks. And speaking of pigs.


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