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Sunday, August 1, 2010

Can You Hear Me Now?

I read somewhere that we lucky New Yorkers will soon have the ability to have cell phone service on the subway even when we are underground. Oh, God, no. I live off of the 7 train which is above ground and already have to listen to people yapping about what they ate for dinner and how many times their dog took a dump. I always count the seconds until we go underground and they are all forced to say good bye. People can't go for ten fucking minutes without talking on the phone? Maybe we just skip ahead already to the future (three months from now) when our cell phones will be directly implanted into our heads? There is a time and place to talk on a cell phone. One of those is not in my station. Nothing irritates me as much as someone sitting at my table while talking on the phone but they call me over anyway to try to get me to take their order. They will keep blabbing with the phone cocked under their ear and they hold one finger up at me as if to say "I'm almost done, hold on a sec." Nope. I walk away. I don't need to hear how Johnny broke up with you out of the blue but he's gonna feel really shitty about it because you are not gonna give him back the earrings he gave you for Christmas and you don't care that they were his Grandma's earrings, Johnny needs to learn some respect. One time a lady was sat as she was on the phone so I ignored her until she was done with the call. Maybe about ten minutes at the most. When she hung up, she looked all pissed off and called me over. "Uh, excuse me, but I have been here for twenty minutes (dumb ass customers have no concept of time) and no one has even acknowledged me." In my most sincere voice, I replied, "I am your server and you seemed to be having a business call and I hated to disturb you." Then she had to shut the hell up because she thought I was being nice when really I was just eating my lunch. Dumb bitch. Another time at The Marriott this woman would come in, put her phone on speaker mode and lay it on the table while she ate lunch. At The Marriott we were only allowed to say "It's my pleasure" so I couldn't say anything but I was surprised no one else ever did. She did it all the time. I suppose I could have told her, "Ma'am, it would be my pleasure to ram that phone up your ass for you."


But back to the cell phones on the subway. One time this woman was having a huge argument with her boyfriend as we were headed towards the tunnel. I was trying to figure out how she was gonna wrap it all up before she lost her signal but I guess she didn't care. After we went underground, she just kept yelling for about 90 seconds even though everyone on the train was looking at her and knowing there was nobody on the other end of the line. But my favorite cell phone on the subway story is this one:


GIRL: (on cell phone, loudly) And gurl I was all lookin' good and he was all lookin' at me like he wanted a piece and I was all I don't think so. You done had your chance and you missed it so nows all youse can do is wish you had me, Uh huh. Uh huh. (loud long laugh) I know, right? Well, whatver, I still might hook up with his ass cuz he fine. I know. GURL, I KNOW! I would love to gets my hands on that dick a his again just to show him what he be missin' out on. Uh huh. Uh huh.

MAN: Excuse me, young lady. You are not in your living room.

the girl pulled the phone away from her ear, cocked her head, snarled her lip and said

GIRL: Neither are you. (back into phone) Some asshole tryin' to tell me to get of the phone.


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11 comments:

Contessa said...

I deplore cell phones as much as you. I drive the highway daily to work and back. I don't know how many times some guy or gal has been jawjacking on their cells and without looking start to pull over into my lane and nearly run me off the road. Many forget to look when turning right at a red light too. It's maddening. Even more maddening is when I eat out, which isn't often and some idiot at the next table over is talking loudly and nonstop on his cell. If I wanted to talk to my companion I would have to yell over his conversation to be heard. Bottom line, it is rude and inconsiderate. I wish they had public cell phone booths and if people didn't use them they could be fined!

Husmoder said...

Now, I live in Denmark, we speak danish and I only know american from movies and tv; But do people really talk like that? If so, I´m moving!. Thats too funny!

California Girl said...

I miss phone booths too Contessa.

sharonlei said...

I just came across your blog and this is the first post I've read. Thanks for the laugh. People with cell phones are CRAZY! ha ha ha.

xx Love & Aloha

CarrieAnn said...

Ugh...I work in retail, and people are always talking on the phone while we are explaining the return policy at checkout. They NEVER hear us, and when they want to return something, the first thing they say is, "No one told me about the policy!" If these were people who only had ONE EYE, I might pity them...

Bagel Fairy said...

Cell phones are my absolute #1 pet-peeve at work. I'm a cashier at a cafe, so I get a lot of assholes who stand there yapping on their phones when there is a line to the door, and act all surprised when they reach the register and haven't even looked at a menu. Then, when I ask them questions related to the order, they act all annoyed I'm interrupting them and bellow, "So, ANYWAY..." when they walk away. The best is when it pisses off the next customer in line and then I get to vent my frustration about one custie to another.

(http://prosetherapy.blogspot.com/2010/07/douchiest-customer-week-4-compilation.html)

Ann Wilkinson said...

So i see you now offer cool BitchyWaiter merchandise. Why don't you offer a logo cell phone case that says "Hang Up Your Cell Phone". I love your blog.

Keda said...

For some reason, people are no longer being taught phone etiquette. Personally, I screen all calls out of business hours. My father has no cellphone etiquette. He also believes that every call should be answered even in the middle of dinner and that the person on the other side needs to be shouted at loudly enough for them to actually hear him all the way to where they are. He gets cross a lot as well.

also, my word verification is flopling... Really? is that like changeling, or is it something that only happens to men?

Super Single Mom and Her Side Kids said...

LMAO!! I know that people on cell phones is a pain sometimes BUT sometimes it is very funny! : )

Mama Sky said...

I rarely answer my cell when out in public unless it may be an important phone call. Even then I try to whisper and find a secluded spot to talk. I HATE it when people are loud- as if we care about their damn conversations. I used to manage several stores and had to let an employee go due to their reaction of a customer on a cell 9I personally would ahve given them a raise but corporate ruled over us). The lady was chatting away causing a huge backup at the register. My cashier leaned over grabbed the phone out of her hand and told the person on the line that they would have to call back later. He snapped the cell phone shut and put it in the grocery bag with the ladys purchases and told her to learn some damn manners. - Everyone cheered, she called corporate.

http://skyfeathers.blogspot.com

tastyskull said...

The things I hear people say on their phones sometimes, makes me wonder if there really IS someone on the other end, or they're just making up some outrageous story to make everyone pretend not to listen when they really are.