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Thursday, August 19, 2010

I Am Not an Animal, Part Two

I am not an animal. I may not be Brad Pitt, but I am not an animal. (If you have not seen me before, then I am in fact a dead ringer for Brad Pitt when he was in Thelma and Louise. Seriously, a dead ringer.) Everyone must have feelings of self doubt and insecurity but sometimes in this world people just bitch slap you in the face with a hearty dose of reality soup and make any self esteem that you may have once had plummet into a canyon of nothingness. I have even written about this before. A friend of mine was telling me how she was sick of looking for a new waiting job and it reminded me of something that happened to me a few years ago.

I was in Chelsea walking up and down Eighth Avenue going into every restaurant and dropping of my resume. I came across a sign in a window that made my heart skip a beat because it actually said that they were hiring. Finally, my resume would go into the hands of someone who cared. When I walked in, I noticed two guys filling out applications at the bar. They were both your typical Chelsea boy: gay, muscly, hot and modelesque. Pulling out my resumé, I head to the bar and ask to fill out an application. With all the years of experience in my back pocket, the application seemed like a mere formality. "Hi, I'd like to fill out an application for the server position." The tanned and toned bartender looked at me and paused. He rolled his eye-lined eyes a bit and, "Oh, we're not hiring anymore." I looked at the guy to the left of me diligently filling out his application and then looked at the guy to the right of me filling out his. They both seemed to be figuring out how to spell their own names. Models are dumb. "I'm sorry, what? I asked. The bartender said, "Yeah we're not accepting anymore applications because the position has been filled." I scratched my head and looked at the applications being filled out not two feet away from me. "But you have a sign that says you're hiring." Pause. "Nope, not anymore. Position's been filled." I started to protest and realized that any words I said would be falling upon deaf ears. The words would be landing in the same place that the two hot guys would be landing their facials later. And I was fairly certain that the position wasn't the only thing that was going to be filled that day. With a bad case of sour grapes, I left the restaurant. I didn't wanna work there anyway. Right? Assholes.

With my self-worth in the gutter, I went out to Coney Island and filled out an application for the freak show.

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Donda said...

Well crap, that wasn't funny! In fact, I think I mighta just teared up. I like to cut bitches that make me cry. At least we know you are human and not some comedy robot machine!

Mind Of Mine said...

What a cunt!

Annah said...

Oiiiiii :( That really sucks. Sorry to hear that, from a fellow unemployed person I feel your pain.

vandervecken said...

i feel bad that YOU feel bad! you just dodged a bullet. imagine having your rent money hooked up to those douchebags. imagine having to go in there EVERY DAY and put up with that kind of shit attitude for hours and hours. they already do it, and you can see the result in 20 seconds. you would have chewed off your leg to get out of there, and been right back where you are now. it's their loss, not yours. you might get a kick out of my old post "i'm not sending you a goddamn photo" ... but but working for people like that is worse than not having a job. good luck in your search! hope you find a stable harmonious gig with actual human beings soon!

lolamouse said...

Poor b.w. I'd much rather spend an evening with you than with Brad Pitt any time (seriously!)

Gabriele Agustini said...


I'm glad I'm not the only one that got a little teary-eyed.
What an ass-wipe!!
You may not look like Brad, but man, oh man, he does NOT have your personality!! :)



laura jane said...

When Brad Pits made this movie, I didn't notice him at all! He's no Antonio Sabato Jr. haha. But the media forced and forced us to believe that Brads hot stuff. I think the "real" Brad is the character he played in 12 Monkeys movie. haha. Ahem. Well as for the orange tanned guy, he probably thought that you would take over...which I "know" you would. ;)


The Ranter's Box said...

Darling you are far too talented to ever have to put up with that kind of shite! Remember that you are loved and adored across the whole wide world. xo The Empress

Mary A. said...

I hear Steroids shrink your parts.

I bet yours are bigger.

dirtydisher said...

He knew you were over qualified.

Aritul said...


Anonymous said...

If it's any consolation I think you're hot.

Anonymous said...

they can hear, and see what your visually thinking
this is the absolute complete truth, THIS IS NO JOKE!!!!!

The reason a lot of Asians have completely expressionless faces, segregate from everybody else-only associate with Asians and don’t associate with non Asians that much, and are very unfriendly in general is to avoid accidentally revealing that they can read minds. If all over a billion Asians where to show facial expressions all the time just as much as non Asians, integrate and associate with non Asians much more, and be much more friendly and talkative, then a lot of them might accidentally reveal that they can read minds by accidentally showing a facial expression or dirty look when someone thinks, or visually pictures something in their mind they don’t like, find astonishing, or funny etc because those people might see that and really wonder what that was that just happened there and see the connection, and they might accidentally say something similar to what the person was just thinking and going to say. If they all associated with non Asians a lot more then there would be a lot more people around for them to accidentally show facial expressions when those people think things they don’t like etc, so they segregate and only associate with Asians so there won’t be anyone around for them to see that and have any accidents happen in the first place.

I know this may sound crazy, impossible and unbelievable, BUT IT ISN’T CRAZY WHEN IT’S TRUE


Anonymous said...

I believe some people are sensitive to other people's energy. I won't dwell unto it but I hate it when a real creep confronts me...I cannot handle his negativity...and he will disperse a creepy vibe...

just saying...winks