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Friday, August 13, 2010

Knit One, Pearl Two

I went out to dinner Thursday night for some much needed organic hamburger action and Berry Cosmos. I chowed down on that burger but used a fork and knife because I am so dainty and shit. Sitting at the bar and scanning the room to check out all the servers and pity them because they were at work and having to drink their Berry Cosmos out of paper cups hidden behind computers while I drank mine out in the open, my gaze fell upon a nine-top that was seated a few tables away. The woman at the end of the table appeared to be knitting. I was all, "who the fuck is knitting in a restaurant?" when I realized the answer was the other eight people she was sitting with. These bitches was all having a freaking knitting circle at the restaurant. They weren't even old ladies, although that would have only made a little bit more sense. These women were in their late 20's/early 30's and knit one pearl two-in' all over the place. Allow me to correct myself. There were eight ladies knitting and one man knitting. The man really fit in with his handlebar mustache and big gold hoop earring. Was this a bad dream? Was I really seeing a man with a handlebar mustache knitting while I am sitting a few feet away in a reasonably hip restaurant and having a cocktail?

When the waiter came out with their food he was forced to wait a couple of minutes while they slowly put away their yarn and needles and finished up the row they were each working on. Now I am not a mind reader, but I am pretty sure that the waiter was thinking, "Hurry up and put your shit away so I can put down your goddamn food. What the fuck are you doing here anyway? You're in a freakin' knitting circle. Shouldn't you be at a retirement home or in 1940?" Again, I am not psychic, but I got that vibe from the airwaves. They finally cleared away their crafts and stared eating. Well, all except for Handlebar Harry. He kept knitting. I guess it was imperative that he finished his masterpiece sofa throw right then and there and food be damned! Eventually, he ate a little bit, but you could see in his eyes that he would rather be knitting. As the rest of the table finished their food and the waiter cleared the table, the knitting came out again.

Perhaps this is the new social thing. Did I miss the mass Facebook message that told me that knitting in large groups at public places is cool? If so, I will jump right on board with it because I desperately seek attention. The next time I go to brunch, I will be taking all my scrapbooking supplies. Mimosas and crafts. What can be better?

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16 comments:

The Bartender said...

Ummm just so you know, Stoli Razberi Cosmos are my favorite drink. Maybe they put something in there that makes people particularly bitchy?

tina said...

OMG...that was HILARIOUS!! I'm still laughing..... thanks, you just made my night!!

carmar76 said...

maybe it was one of those social experiments, like when everyone starts randomly dancing at the grocery store. : )

The Ranters Box said...

Wow! What an incredibly fascinating way to spend an evening and take up table space. I hope those nanas tipped the waiter well! ... As for annoying handlebar moustache guy maybe he has nowhere else to poke his sticks!! The big dork ass!

p b & j said...

Very funny stuff BW!
I had a similar experience with La Leche League: it's a "club" for women who breastfeed, something to which I am not opposed.

I was at my local non-chain café sipping diligently on my iced latte when about 17 women, as if on cue, simultaneously popped open the nursing bras, exposed the blessed teat, and began feeding the infant Jakobs and Hannahs, en masse in plain view of everyone, including old drooling people, middle-agers, teens, and
kids who may never have experienced the sight of a breast before.

I momentarily hated me for being, well, me, because although I *want* to celebrate the lovely act of moms feeding their children, it seemed somehow the wrong place and time to do so en masse.

No one said a word. We're very liberal here, but people began filing out in droves, gathered in droves on the sidewalk and even the non-smokers were begging the rest of us for a cigarette.

There's a time & place for everything, but they may have chosen poorly.

Breast-milk lattes are still not on the menu at that cafe, but I do check daily.

Guy said...

I've had a lot of card groups, but never knitters. Seems like a dumb thing to do around food - like you're so anxious to stain something you don't even bother to finish making it before you drag it through some french fry grease.

lolamouse said...

Mimosas and scrapbooking? I'm in! Where?!!

Sandra Trevino said...

In Chicago we have a group called "Stitchy Bitch" where, yes, we get together to stitch, knit, crochet and bitch. It's fun. :) We usually gather at cafes, though but there has been the occasional bar trip.

Mary A. said...

You had me at scrapbooking. . . .

Bagel Fairy said...

Doesn't it suck how working in food service ruins going to other restaurants? I used to be so oblivious to everything going on behind the scenes while eating out, but now I watch every expression that registers on the server's face, count the staff to customer ratio, and feel super self-conscious about everything either I or my fellow diner says/does.

I just can't enjoy a good meal out or trip to the cafe anymore. After all, I'm so miserable at my job that the last thing I want to do is get wrapped up in others' misery.

Kalei's Best Friend said...

I'm surprised the waiter didn't pull the same trick as the steward on the plane... How frickin' rude of those women...

Mark said...

And you know they sat there forever afterwards, taking up his table and not eating, so that he missed out on potential tips from parties he could have had if they'd left after eating!

Queen of the Rant said...

WTF that would be so weird to witness but I bet you were glad you were not the waiter this time

Anonymous said...

If their going to tie up a station like that, they should have to pay the server RENT for the table!

Annoyed said...

I actually tried to learn to knit once. But in reality, nothing good ever comes of it, does it? So why bother...I'd rather make the perfect Margarita, Cosmo or Mojito. At least there's a point.

Twyla Adelle Nox said...

... it's 'purl' XD.

I see nothing wrong with having a knitting group at a restaurant as long as the members are being attentive and polite towards the wait staff.

Knitters are usually exceptional tippers as well.