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Sunday, August 29, 2010

A Wonderful Day for a Picnic

Yesterday in New york City was absolutely beautiful. Central Park was teeming with people, Coney Island had hordes of sun worshippers and the F train had someone having a fucking picnic on it. Wait, what? Yes, I witnessed a picnic. On the F train. At the 34th street station, the temperature was about 138ยบ. Muggy, hot and miserable which is pretty much standard for the MTA this time of year. I noticed a family waiting for the train and they were obviously on their way to the beach. Seeing that it was already 2:30 in the afternoon and the beach is an hour away on the F train, it seemed that they were getting a late fucking start. The family consisted of some grandma types, a few young girls, some baby daddies and a litter of children. The F train was taking a long time to get there (as usual because the MTA sucks and I hate them more than someone asking me to have their burger recooked with no pink even though they asked for it to be medium) and one of the kids asked their sister or mom or whatever for a drink. Luckily, they were prepared because there was a cooler full of ice and beverages right there. Bitch whipped out a styrofoam cup and a two liter bottle of iced tea and poured a drink for her parched offspring. As it so often goes, another kid wanted a drink and then another and then another and then Grandma wanted a Coke. The cooler was propped open and it was a regular soda fountain up in there. Any second I thought I would see one of the fucking Archie comic douches pop up and ask for a milkshake. The next thing I knew someone pulled out a bag of sandwiches and started passing them around. Of course that was when the train showed up. They herded their village onto the F train and I followed behind. I was only on the train for two stops so I didn't get to see the inevitable happen. Surely one of the kids lost his grip on his cup and spilled it all over the damn place. And then Grandam probably chewed on a piece of gristle in her sandwich and spit it out onto the floor. The kids probably started playing hide and go seek thinking this was as good as the day was going to get. Again, I got off the train so this is all speculation. Highly likely and more than probable but speculation none the less.

I won't even eat a Cliff bar on the train because you can practically see the germs floating around in there. But if they want to let their kids roll around on the floor and then grab a handful of Doritos, go for it. Weird. A picnic on the 7 train. Almost as weird as that time I saw a magician (also on the F train...) complete with cape and flying doves. People will do anything on the fucking subway. But the thing I hate the most? Those goddamn mariachi bands that belt out their musica at ocho in el fucking morning. No fucking gracias.

About waiting tables? No. Bitchy? Oh hell yes.


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8 comments:

Alexandra said...

On English trains they come around with a little buffet cart of sandwiches and shit tea.. you'd probably be horrified!

Alexandra

http://alexandrascomplaintsoftheday.blogspot.com/

Guy said...

I'm a stranger to all the crowded mass transit situations. We have some busses in Austin, and starting this year, one train that runs something like 6 times a day. (Just enough to get you stuck some place.) However, when I was visiting Paris I rode the subways a lot. One of the first times I was a passenger, I was standing, holding on to a pole kinda near waist level and a woman in a really short skirt got on at the next stop and backed into my thumb. I really don't know anywhere near enough French to excuse myself for that accident. I just stared straight ahead and pretended like it hadn't happened.

Mary A. said...

Last time I was on the F train, my little one peed all over it.

I figured it was the cleanest thing to hit that floor in a long time.

Sorry.

Donda said...

I thought it would be really cool to see the ball drop on New Year's but apparently all the good action is on the subway!

The Ranter's Box said...

Ummm, milkshakes! ...Some people will never learn that there is a time and place for everything. And that the subway is not the place for a family dinner... With that being said, there is never a right time for a mariachi band. Margaritas, Yes. Mariachi, NO.
May your next ride be a peaceful one. xo The Empress

http://rantersbox.blogspot.com

Gabriele Agustini said...

This post is hilarious, as are the comments your readers leave!
Reading your blog is a win-win situation!!
Thanks, all!

SkippyMom said...

I live in the DC metro area and they will arrest you a** in the blink of an eye if you even THINK about having food or beverage on a train. They actually arrested a girl who had been chewing a candy bar while descending the escalator [she had the whole thing in her mouth and was attempting to swallow it before the turnstiles] and they put another little girl 13 years old in handcuffs for the crime of two french fries. There are serious transit police in DC let me tell ya.

SkippyMom said...

I live in the DC metro area and they will arrest you a** in the blink of an eye if you even THINK about having food or beverage on a train. They actually arrested a girl who had been chewing a candy bar while descending the escalator [she had the whole thing in her mouth and was attempting to swallow it before the turnstiles] and they put another little girl 13 years old in handcuffs for the crime of two french fries. There are serious transit police in DC let me tell ya.