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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Dear Bitchy Waiter

Dear Bitchy Waiter,

Have you ever had a bus person or server steal your tips? What should I do?


Signed, Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,
First, let me thank you for writing in. I only wish you had used your real name because whenever someone uses "anonymous" I think its one of those hater bitches who are always trying to bring me down. And now to your question. Yes, I have had people steal my tips and I blamed it on the bus boy. Those sorry ass mother fuckers always lift the money off the table to wipe it and then when they put the money back down, they keep a dollar or maybe just the spare change. Of course, it's hard to prove, but if you have an idea who is doing it, then you need to catch them red handed so you can report it to your manager and get their thieving ass fired. But how to catch them? There are many ways, but I recommend the following: go to your local Spy Store where you can buy something like a Nanny Cam. Get a high quality one that costs at least or four or five hundred dollars because you want the video to be crystal clear when you upload that shit to You Tube. Install the camera in a light fixture directly over a table in your station. This can be done by accessing the electrical wiring by going into the ceiling. While up in the ceiling, be aware of fiberglass insulation. You certainly don't want to get it on you. It may be best to wear a full body suit that electricians wear and you can pick one of those up at your local Home Depot for not more than seventy-five dollars. Once the camera has been installed, it is time to set your trap. Consciously leave your tips on the table for longer than you normally would so that the greedy thief has plenty of opportunity to steal it. Once you feel that you have caught what you want on camera, simply go back into the ceiling to remove the camera, transfer the tape on to DVD and edit it by using a simple home editing program like iMovie. I recommend you add titles, transitions and music to make the recording as enjoyable as possible. You may find it helpful to take a class at the Learning Annex to learn more about editing. Upon completion, present the DVD to your manager. Make sure you have labeled the DVD and created a jewel case cover for it (use Avery label templates) so that your manager knows exactly what he or she will be watching. After the theft has been clearly seen on video surveillance, it will be a very simple procedure to fire this bitch on the spot. Follow these simple steps and your problem will be solved!

If you feel that this is too complicated and you simply want revenge, slash that bitches tires or use the old iPod flier routine. Good luck!

signed,
the Bitchy Waiter


Do you have an issue that The Bitchy Waiter can help you with? You can email me here and I will answer one question a week!

8 comments:

pilgrimchick said...

This makes me wonder how anyone can trust anyone they work with.

Lynn Sponagle said...

Or you could simply get a couple friends to come in for a meal then you'd know exactly how much was left and have the tippers word for backup.

I, Vandervecken, say: said...

lynn is right ... that's one of the best low profile ways to do it. do it more than once, though ... and if you have some good regulars, that's even better. tell them what you think is going on. when you go to the manager, you have guests as witnesses.

talking to some other servers and seeing if they're having the same issue is also good ... they might be able to join in ... and the word will likely go around. sometimes just knowing people are on to him is enough.

another good way [don't hate me for saying this] is: up your table maintenance game and don't be one of those servers who refuses to bus a table. i don't need no stinkin busboy. by the time they get there, the book is in my pocket, and all they have to do is wipe the table and reset. plus, my tips are higher from being more attentive, and i turn tables faster. not only will you not lose money, you'll make more money.

not that catching him and calling him out won't be fun, though ....

karen said...

my old boss told me about a problem they had with tip stealing before i worked there. the servers and boss were all suspicious of one busboy so they set a little trap. the boss somehow planted some tips, but had also written down the serial numbers to the bills. it was hard for the busboy to deny guilt, or say it was money that was already his, when he had those exact bills in his pocket

蒲亮奇 said...

每次看完你的文章,總是回味許久,要經常發表喔。..................................................

weare138 said...

I have to confess; I mostly read waitstaff blogs because no line cook is literate or energetic or internet-savvy enough to start one themselves. I mostly read them to find 'crappy server' stories to tell to my cook friends and we can all fill with righteous indignation at our sassy front of house people. That said, I found your blog and went 'ha HA! a new server blog to MAKE FUN OF YES' and then I read it all and went 'naw, we'd probably be friends and con the bar out of free drinks every night together, and contaminate all the produce in the walk-in by wearing it on our heads in carmen miranda-esque fruit hats, and then put it back so the bartenders could unwittingly use it to garnish things later'

Anonymous said...

Cut the busboy`s balls off!

leia said...

based on the other's comments...i'm guessing the sarcasm wasn't recognized? lol. gotta love the bitchy waiter <3