I don't get vegans. At all. I mean I understand what they are, I just can't comprehend how they actually want to be one. Maybe its because I grew up in the land of meat and potatoes where the closest thing I ever got to a vegetable was a Bac-o on my baked potato. Oh sure, Mom would open a can of English peas every now and then but that was a mere gesture at the five major food groups. The peas were a facade. I ignored them and had double helpings of Hamburger Helper with Kraft macaroni and cheese. But vegans don't just avoid eating meat. No no no. They have to be so aware of the suffering of animals that they won't even eat cheese because it came from a cow that may have lived a difficult life in order to produce milk. Tough titty said the kitty, but the milk's still good. I find it hard to trust anyone who doesn't eat cheese. Or they won't wear a belt because the leather came from that same sad cow. So what, I'm supposed to wear vinyl shoes and a pleather belt? I saw Alicia Silverstone on Oprah a few weeks ago and she was praising the benefits of veganism. "My skin is clearer, my bowel movements are better, my attitude is happier..." You know what, Alicia? Take some Proactiv®, swallow some Metamucil® with a Paxil® chaser and you'll be fine. Then have some fucking nachos with grilled fucking chicken on 'em. So, what if a vegan raised a baby chicken into adulthood and it lived in the backyard and had the most perfect of lives? The chicken was fed only natural grains, it was showered with love and it got to sit in the coop all day and watch Jerry Springer and Bewitched (my dream afternoon, by the way). One day that chicken pops out an egg. And a vegan wouldn't want to scramble that bitch up? I don't get it.I hate when vegetarians come into a restaurant and act all offended that the menu has only a few options for them. "What do you mean you don't have a veggie burger? What am I supposed to eat?" "Gee, how about a piece of toast and a glass of water or take your ass down the street to the Grass and Greens Veggie Delite Hut. Whatever." Or there are those vegetarians who will order the chicken noodle soup and just take the chicken out before they eat it. Does that count as being a vegetarian? I don't think so. Or they will order fries; the fries that are fried in the same oil as chicken wings? Does that count? Vegans are the worst though. They will look at the menu for thirty minutes and then try to concoct something that will not cross the imaginary line they drew for themselves. God forbid they should get a piece of bleu cheese in their cobb salad. A cobb salad with no chicken, no cheese, no egg, no bacon is not a cobb salad. It's just a sad salad. I personally order my cobb salad with less lettuce, extra cheese and extra bacon and ranch dressing. But hey, I'm not a vegan. Or vegetarian. I am carnivore, hear me roar.
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45 comments:
I'm the worst of all hypocrites. A meat eater who pretends to not know where the meat comes from. I tell myself it grows in the deli case at the grocery store. I can't eat meat off a bone, it freaks me out. But slap a fat steak on my plate and I'm gnawing away contentedly.
And don't get me started on cheese. My life wouldn't be complete without it.
I don't get why people do it either. However, I do know some people who just plainly do not like meat. They don't like the texture of it before OR after it's cooked. I had a roommate in college who cannot eat meat. She has some weird disorder. So when we made mac and cheese in the dorm, we had to use coffee creamer! I got used to it pretty fast :)
haha! you always make my day. "tough titties said the kitty but the milks still good" I say that ALL the time and people look at me crazy. good to know im not the only one who uses that phrase. ;-) Thanks bitchy waiter
The Good Book is very explicit proof that we are to eat meat. Ever read about a sacrificial rutabaga being thrown on the fire for a holy feast? I think not!
Sometimes it's a health issue. I had an ulcer at 26 and my Dr. had me go off of all red meat, pork and dairy. While I do love animals, I'm not out to convert the world to veganism, or vegetarianism. It's my choice, and after 17 years, when a restaurant isn't honest with me, and does use animal broth to make a sauce, it makes me vomit within 30 minutes. After that amount of time, my body cannot digest it.
I understand your rant, but as a vegetarian-one day you will understand that the meat you are eating out of the store is so filled with hormones and antibiotics that they say girls are maturing at 6 years old and the current generation will die twenty years younger then ours. However, the veggies are not much better-if you are open to a suggestion-watch Food Inc and Fast Food Nation-still love ya- but I do not complain about restaurants not catering to me-because they are cooking those veggies on the same grill they cook their steak on so no point in complaining!
I have not ate meat for 19 years, not even chicken broth, or anything like that. Hell, I don't even eat skittles because they contain gelatin.
As a lazy mom, we go out to eat often. Usually what happens is I will order a sweet potato with no butter (yea, as luck would have it I am also lactose intolerant) and just grab some protein when I get back home. I don't bitch to the staff (about this anyway) because this was a choice that I made, and the establishment has the same right to make choices; like what they offer on their menu.
Maybe "Anonymous" should make a comment with their actual name in in it.
Hi. For all those that have dietary restrictions I get ya.
But for those that read propaganda for the internet. I want to ask have you ever stepped off the pavement and walked down a dirt road to the farmer in a plaid shirt with overalls, straw hat and wearing a pair of slamming black rubber boots??? Because if you havant you need to get out and see the real world before jumping to huge conclusions.
Dont give me this big line of crap about cows being pumped with antibodies. Being over crowded etc. Humans live much much much worse then any farm animal dont go there with me.
As a farmers daughter. A neice of a pork farmer and a babysitter of a chicken farmer I can say NONE NONE NONE of these animals live in any poor condition.
Not only do these animals eat waaay better have a better lifestyle and belive me there is no gravey on thier fries like mine :P
So, do some real investigation in a pair of rubber boots. Not those prada heels. Looking only through a computer screen. Come out to rural ramble and learn.
As an advocate for young people in agriculture please dont hand me that line of .... horse shit...
Thanks bitchy waiter for the post but I pray your readers open thier eyes.
FYI: Chocolate milk does not come from brown cows. Chickens have beaks not lips. Goats CAN climb trees. Pigs dont have curly tails thier entire lives as they are docked after a few weeks and just are straight and only about a inch long. Calves have super soft tounges when you first give them a bottle put your fingers with it they take better to the nipple. Horses are some of my best friend and I will always be a farmers daughter and PROUD of it.
Thanks bitchy waiter, Oh and can I please get a bacon cheese burger??
Hai bitchy waiter. I'm a vegetarian, but I got over my crazy-convert-everyone-else phase like six years ago. I get what you're saying, but come on. Everyone deserves their own choice at a restaurant. Maybe vegetarians go to said mostly-meat restaurant because their family wants to go there. And a cobb salad without bacon and chicken isn't all half bad. I feel embarrassed enough ordering one without knowing that all waiters feel like you do!!
beside anon. saying they are more intelligent becuase they let fear mongering documentaries scare them straight to not supporting farmers..that's BS.
but the BIG POINT: Vegetarians are no fun. I have seen less people was to go out to eat with them, always having to accomendate for them and watch them cry about it. its fact. going to ball game? traveling? dont bring veggie pants.
and do they actually make any difference in the demand for meat?
Hey Bitchy Waiter,
The thing about vegans is that the ones who tend to announce their presence also tend to be the loudest, most vehement, and (sometimes) most obnoxious of the group.
Though it's true that there are many crazystrict vegans who will flip out about a piece of cheese (and waffling vegetarians who pick the chicken out of their soup) the thing is, everyone has their own reasons, and lives it differently.
I mean, I eat honey and wear used leather, so technically I'm a "bad vegan". It's like, if you're not 100% pure, you're a traitor to the cause? Meh.
Anyway, I stopped eating meat not just because I think killing animals is wrong (animals kill each other all the time!) but because their lives suck so much it would be better if they'd never been born. Like, living in shit and getting infections that never go away, yadda yadda. The things that normal animals do when they go insane, like pecking each other's eyes out or biting each other, are prevented by burning notches into chicken beaks and pulling piglets' teeth out with pliers.
ANYWHO.
I don't go around lecturing or converting - I'm just chiming in because you wanted to understand my pale, skinny brethren and I.
Oh, and I became vegan (not just vegetarian) after seeing a video of unwanted male chicks being dumped alive into a meat grinder, and after learning that the babies from dairy cows become veal...
Ad an erstwhile vegan (I backslide and eat chicken once in a while) and sufferer of dairy and egg allergies...I primarily eat the way I do out of necessity. That being said, I'm certainly no hairy-arm pit, commune-living, Jesus-sandal wearing, grass and stick eating hippie whose wardrobe consists of tie-dyed thrift store skirts and rumpled organic cotton PeTA t-shirts. However, I know vegans like that. I call them "Manson-Girls" because they want to carve an X on their heads and pretend they are saving the world one dehydrated root vegetable chip at a time. Jeez...shave your head and pass out flowers for a buck or two under the overpass...but for God's sake...don't act like your sunflower seeded shit don't stink just because you don't eat animals. Vegan/Vegetarianism is a personal choice. If you don't want to eat meat or meat by-products then don't but you only succeed in making people think you are a militant kook when you berate them for slobbering down a cheeseburger. Being a vegan is something I do out of necessity (where the dairy and eggs are concerned) and consciousness where the meat is concerned but it MY conscience...not yours, his, hers, you granny's or the Bitchy Waiter's. If I can tolerate seeing my husband (who is definately NOT a vegan) eat a slab of beef so rare that it is still moving then I suppose a few negative comments won't hurt me. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Hell, I don't understand a lot of people's food choices but then I don't have to eat them.
This post and some of the holier than thou comments being made reminded me of a local whack job here in Connecticut.
Was exceptionally closeminded when it came to eating meat, and would often write a letter to the editor every holiday about the disgusting habit of eating turkeys.
Anyways, a group of us made her life a living hell in the chat rooms because she refused to accept that the logic of some of her arguments were faulty (like not making any exceptions for animals who are gravely ill/gravely injured with no reasonable chance for survival).
And what made it easier to crucify her was that she used to sign her full name to each and everyone of her comments in the chat rooms.
The amount of rational and sane vegetarians I've met in my lifetime (got called a vegan once because I don't like milk) I can count on one finger.
And that is really sad, because while most vegetarians have some valid points, they totally lose me because they don't know that sledgehammering a person will often negate whatever salient point they're trying to make.
So pass me one of the KFC chicken on chicken sandwiches please.
I hear ya! I am a total meat and cheese eater. Veggies??? They are better with cheese or butter slathered all over them. Like my husband says the meat we eat grows on trees!
My secretary is a Gluten-Free Vegan.
I LOVE to eat hohos in front of her.
Know what else I love? a big greasy burrito filled with fried carnitas (AKA - lips & assholes).
I know where my food comes from. The grocery store.
I also feel NO guilt at wearing capris made my child labor in guatamala. They're cute & cheap. (my pants, not the exploited kids who make them).
I respect vegetarians. I just. ..
Oh wait. I actually Don't respect vegetrains.
This post inspired some rather interesting comments.
First off, Anonymous can f*ck off! It's fine to make a comment and state your point but there is no need to make racial slurs or rude generalizations based on a persons skin color. Enough said!
I am a vegetarian and I was born that way. I do not like the taste or texture of meat and eating meat does not agree with my body. So I don't eat anything with a face. Yes, this makes it much harder for me when I go out to eat but so what, if there is nothing on the menu I can eat then I can always order dessert. No big deal.
If people decide to practice veganism then I suppose it is their choice. Me however, I could not imagine giving up cheese, yogurt or icecream. Screw that!
What does bother me is when people get all sanctimonious and attempt to force their own personal choices and preferences on others. To which I say mind your business and worry about your own damn self.
Ok, I'll get off my ranter's box now... xo The Empress
http://rantersbox.blogspot.com
Vegetarians just haven't had a good Prime Ribeye steak. They probably have never had a good orgasm, either.
I don't know who is more entertaining, the bitchy waiter or the comments!
I don't have a problem with people choosing to be vegetarian or vegan. To each his or her own. I don't agree that it's somehow a "better" choice, but I don't judge it either.
What bothers me is when a certain breed of vegetarian/vegan gets all self righteous about what basically amounts to a personal decision. They think the world ought to change because they made a personal decision -- restaurants should be changing their menus, other people should be bending over backward to accommodate them, and so forth.
Yeah, fuck off. My ex-husband was like that and while I won't say it's the whole reason we got divorced, his holier-than-thou attitude in regards to his vegetarianism was certainly a contributing factor.
My husband wants the kids and us to be vegans- I said screw that- I was raised a country girl working and living on cattle ranches. I love my steak and potatoes. He can go wither away while eating his salad and I will happily plump up on fatty gravy and porkchops.
"vegan" is usually a euphemism for "control freak". my favorite: a woman who got all twirly eyed because we didn't have a special menu for vegans, and on the table next to her: a leather Prada bag. so you won't eat animals, but it's OK to peel them and stuff them with makeup and tampons?
i agree with the idea that all living creatures have a place on this earth. sometimes that place is next to the mashed potatoes.
Dear Bitchy,
Vegan Level 5 of 4 years here. I became a vegan for health reasons, and Alicia is right, my skin is clearer, I was happier until unforeseen.. circumstances, and my bowel movements are so much better, and believe me, I know bowel movements. I have never tried to "convert" anyone, I don't miss meat, I would wear leather Doc Martens, because they're the shit!, and if your restaurant doesn't have anything I can eat I'll just walk out or order a plain damn salad and only tip 10%. Mwahaha! Vegans can't be fun? I make a mean condiment sammich, I tell ya what.
But in all seriousness, we're not all bad. It's just those Peta folk you have to worry about. Eat the damn ho-ho's in front of me all you want. I don't crave them and it stopped being funny the fifth time.
i dont think vegetarians/vegans should call us meat-eaters cruel.we eat the animals...but they eat the animals' food :D.death by starvation is worse than being killed.haha!
I respect vegetarians and I understand their choices. Personally i feel much more comfortable eating products from free-range animals and try to do it as often as i can. But i can't imagine life without meat and cheese.
And 'Anonymous', that's way overboard, you can fuck off.
anonymous may be way overboard, but thats how anonymous feels this blog is getting. i should have put my slur in quotes to show the analogy more effectively, i wasnt actually trying to offend i was making a point. obviously (or i guess not so obviously) im not a racist, or a hater based on dietary decisions, nor do i hate foreign people. but lately every post here is hateful. it seems like the next step is hating black folks, who also stereotypically 'dont tip well.' i was offended by the shortsightedness of this blog post.
anyone who buys into the farm friendly myth, needs to watch earthlings and get a clue. these animals are factory farmed in terrible conditions. happy little farms are a small small percentage, and a good reason to try and buy local. but try getting footage of a tyson chicken factory... watch food inc. im not a hater because im a hypocryte, i still eat meat. but have some damn respect, you would if you actually knew where your food comes from. i havent heard anyone mention monsanto or genetically modified foods yet. or cloning animals and feeding that to us with no labels to warn. you people are in such denial its ridiculous.
Anonymous....... I have a feeling you need to leave. That or start hiding behind Anonymous and leave your real name.....
coming from someone named 'clear thinking.' word.
Ok people, maybe we shouldn't judge others by what they eat or there race. There are shitty people in every race and I've hated both veggies and meat eaters alike. I've also gotten shitty tips from all races(I'm a bitchy bartender). Majority of people are assholes one way or the other. I'm a vegitarian who loves cheese however I eat what I want and don't have to follow anyone elses rules. If there's nothing on the menu order a salad, veggies, beer and vodka. It'll fill u up, take my word for it!
Happy Saturday everyone! I'm going to a benefit for juvenile brain cancer this evening and it's at a steak house. Think I should skip the cause because they won't have anything for me to eat? Get over it people:)
Anonymous: Wow.... Its the name of my blog.... Kinda like "bitchywaiter" ya know???? So Anonymous: or Mr. Dumbass??? As I shall rename you.. My information is actually listed. So like duh
Yeah Mr. Dumbass, i know what happens in those factories, and I do eat free-range. I do know why vegetarians and vegans are what they are. My brother is a vegetarian after seeing crabs on a fishing boat, it wasn't a pleasant sight. So quit acting like it's our fault. Things happen.
I used to pretend I was a vegetarian so I could get out of going to bbqs and dinner parties because most people don't know how to cook. Many times I have been sitting at some idiot's picnic table in the back yard staring at a burger that looks like a burnt tennis ball, or a pile of raw baby back ribs soaked in some disgusting ketchuppy mess and thought to myself "I'm brilliant for not having to eat this slop."
The outraged reactions by some vegetarians to this lighthearted blogs proves that humourless self righteousness is not limited to Fundamentalists and Right Wing Loonies. It's infecting all of America....OMG are the body snatchers here? Are they aliens from another world?
Veal, Yum Yum. My favorite.
I love this post!
My favorite story from my waitressing days was the vegan lady who was being completely annoying trying to figure out what was "safe" to eat; at freakin' Denny's nonetheless! So she finally decided on a caesar salad, and I happily brought it to her. I made sure to wait until she had almost eaten it all and said (in a sweet and innocent tone), "Oh, how is your salad? Aren't caesar salads great? It's hard to believe a dressing made from sardines can taste so good!"
Bwahahaahahahaha!!!
Vegetarians annoy me because I have rarely met one who is at all sympathetic to anyone else's dietary needs. It's always all about them.
Wow. I am eternally grateful that I am not one of the people who calls you "Mom."
I love meat, dairy and pretty much anything animal-related and I have to say that vegetarians and vegans are actually quite noble if the reason they stop eating meat and wearing leather etc is because of our often selfish attitude that "the world is ours" and also because conditions for animals are usually bad (maybe not so much with free range though).
Anyway, it seems to me that most restaurants cater for the majority, and most of the population (as far as I know) are meat-eaters.
But all restaurants make allowances - if you want chips instead of salad, a jacket potato without butter, or you don't want mushrooms with your steak then you generally get what you ask for. So maybe certain things could be done like having a meat dish without the meat or with a substitute, or even with menus where there is an option, like a stir-fry with tofu or chicken.
If we're talking a steak restaurant or something though, maybe the vegetarians should steer clear :P
What I don't get is the self-righteous indignation that seems to go hand in hand with vege/veganism. What the hell makes people think that their dietary choices entitle them to be outraged when the rest of the world doesn't fall all over themselves trying to make it easier for them to follow their strict guidelines? Some of my favorite people have chosen vegetarianism or veganism, and I always have a freezer full of veggie burgers in case one of them happens to drop by, but I will not eat one of those shart-inducing, smelly little wheat discs, not even if you put a gun to my head and said "Chew, bitch, chew!" Tolerating the preferences of others is a two-way street.
I asked my vegan friend a while ago about the clothing choice. She won't even wear SILK to save silkworms. Seriously. Being in the environmental field for manufacturing, I asked her how she felt about the amount of volatile organic compounds created and toxic chemicals used to manufacture the synthetic fabrics she insisted on wearing, and what her opinion was of the pollution and air emissions each yard of fabric was responsible for. She stood there and just stared at me for a minute, and then walked away. She hasn't spoken to me since.
--Tough titty said the kitty, but the milk's still good -that was so cute. You have a very interesting point of view.
Bitchy Waiter - I love your blog and laugh at it all the time. It's a great outlet for a fellow server. But for the record I'm certainly far from P.C. and I find this post a bit offensive (admittedly, the comments are more annoying than the actual post).
I've been a vegetarian for over 4 years, and while I was one of those vocal assholes for 6 months (I was also only 21 years of age) I got over it pretty quick. I realized it was much more effective to allow my friends to approach me if they had questions as to why I had chosen to be vegan (and now, just vegetarian ... technically). And I could really care less about other peoples dietary choices at this point. I'm pretty sure nobody would accuse me of being a holier than thou asshole. As it happens, a percentage of my friends are vegetarian too (although a majority of my friends are carnivorous)...and I don't think any of them are arrogant or rude about their choices and they don't complain to their servers because of their lack of choices because they understand the idea of "voting with your dollar".
I understand wanting to lump everyone into one group because you've had a couple bad experiences but you're a smart person...you know things just don't work that way.
And I can't really see how not wanting to eat meat or cheese could be THAT confusing.
I've waited tables at my restaurant for almost 3 years. I can't recall a single time I've had a holier than thou vegan come in.
I can say, however, that I've seen much more shoulder patting and condescension in this post and in the comments than I've seen from a vegan in a long time. Enough that I felt compelled to leave my lurker bubble long enough to tell you all that your blustery posts come off as very immature and not very well thought out.
It's disappointing.
And a bit ironic that you're all talking about how awful and mean all of us hairy armpit lovin hippie leaf eaters are while praising your own dietary choices as if they are better. Are your clothing choices better too? (I don't own a single tie dye shirt and I use my razor regularly, btw.) I suppose your attitudes are better as well?
Oh, and I don't have a blogger account but for the sake of avoiding the "you're anonymous therefore your argument is invalid!" accusation from all you commenters my name is Monica and my email is hearmonicaroar@yahoo.com
Feel free to email me. I'd be happy to provide references or answers as to why I, personally, find a vegetarian diet to be my preferable way of living. Because you know... there might actually be a reason why there are a considerable number of people in our society that choose to stop eating meat. Or, if you just want to spam my inbox so you can make yourself feel even better about eating meat, feel free.
Bitchy Waiter - Please quit thoughtlessly stereotyping groups of people and consider just sticking to individuals and incidents... it's much more interesting and original. It's your blog, do what you want, but if your point is to keep people reading your blog making fun of/condescending to them isn't always the way to do it.
I don't think the point was to hate on vegans. I think it was just to say don't be a cunt about everything in the world, mainly restaurants not bieng prepared to make and bend everything to accomodate your vegan lifestyle. I personally have waited on some very nice and sane vegans. If you come in with a super overly zealous vegan chip on your shoulder then we reserve the right to think your an asshole and talk about it.
Not a vegetarian, I eat meat because it doesn't mess my system up at all. I do avoid gluten due to a hypersensitive nerve reaction I get on my face, among things. A type of thing other people would not like very much. Imagine a spider with a feather running across your face for hours and hours on end...the itching not subsiding... Not fun. Sanity, testing, even.
Weight was another issue for me, I couldn't go on looking like a whale forever. Gluten free has to be paired with reduced carb to work or you will gain weight on it. That's why people say it's a "fad".
I just love it when people try to eat a gluten thing in front of me as if it torments me so.I have literally had people try to stuff their face with a cookie or twinkie in the most disgusting way possible or something as if that act of slobbery really affects me or if I crave that gross crap.
I'm like...really? Okay. Might want to make less animal noises there....ya got something on your chin...ehhh well, Enjoy it.
I mean, what ever happened to live and let live?
I try to never hassle waitstaff, I just order plain salads with oil, plain veggies and steaks at places. The only thing I tell them is no croutons or bread items on the dishes. I get regular things for my friends when they come over or want something. I just don't get why people have to make fun of others.
:(
"A cobb salad with no chicken, no cheese, no egg, no bacon is not a cobb salad. It's just a sad salad."
It's just lettuce...
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