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Saturday, August 21, 2010

I ♥ Veggies

I climbed into my bed of lettuce last night, wrapped myself in swaddling clothes made out of cabbage leaves and prepared to see how my last post about vegetarians fared with readers. What a freakin' shit storm. This one really irked plenty of people and I was not expecting that at all. I mean, when I write about babies being annoying or old people getting on my nerves or a one eyed waitress, I expect some hatin', but this one caught me off guard. The funny thing is, I don't have a problem with vegetarians. I just can't ever imagine being one myself because of my long term relationship with gravy. Some of my best friends are vegetarians. My niece is a vegetarian. And yes, I have even eaten at vegetarian restaurants. I have seen "Food Inc" as was recommenced to me many times and I do eat grass fed organic beef and free range organic chicken and organic eggs. I don't think I wrote anything that was particularly mean about vegetarians, but I need to respond to a few comments that were a bit intense:

"How does the idea of breastmilk ice cream sound to you? conversely, why would you want to suck on a cows tittie for a drink? we are literally the only mammal to drink milk past infancy, let alone from another mammal." We are also the only mammal that wears clothing but I don't think we will all be running around naked anytime soon. And I am not going to give up ice cream but I don't want the breastmilk kind. Titties scare me.

"If you want to be sheltered about where your food comes from, fine. but you shouldn't make fun of people who are obviously more educated than you." I make fun of all people and I am the first to admit that most people are more educated than I am. They just aren't smarter.

"I expect better from you. first foreigners, now this? you should make your next rant about how niggers never tip you stupid fuck." Wow, this bitch really went there? How did she go from a simple post about vegetarians to me being a racist? Fuck her.

"But the BIG POINT: Vegetarians are no fun." I beg to differ. I never once insulted veggies. I am going out to dinner tonight with one and I expect to have a very fun time. She drinks. A lot.

"No longer a fan due to this post." I simply cannot believe that this post was the one that broke that camel's bitchy back. If you reread the post. I don't think I ever was mean about anyone. All I said was it can be a little annoying when we have to accommodate our menu to serve their dietary needs. Get over it.

"Very offensive and not funny at all. and I'm NOT a veggie. disappointed in this, especially by all the idiot comments." Reread my post. I was not offensive. It was the comments that took it to the next level. It's not like I was talking about vegetables and referred to them as Terry Schiavo. Now that would have been offensive. But I didn't do that.

"I agree with the idea that all living creatures have a place on this earth. sometimes that place is next to the mashed potatoes." True. Enough said.

So let us put this issue behind us and live as one big happy family and share the love. By the way, vegans? Now they're complete asswipes.


Kalei's Best Friend said...

dude, I saw the comments... btw, i don't get why vegetarians ASSume that restaurants are gonna have a veggie section?? If they are die hard vegetarians they should go to a vegetarian/organic restaurant where they KNOW they will get what they want.. So does Black Angus or Wood Ranch have a veggie menu? If they do its limited to a few dishes.Case in point, it would be like a person wanting McD's and going to a Chinese restaurant...

Midge said...

Haha what? Those comments are the most ridiculous things I have ever read. People actually looking down on you and are no longer your "fans" because of this? Wow, some people need to learn how to thicken their skin and not be offended by others opinions. Even though your post was not offensive whatsoever.

Bagel Fairy said...

That was your most controversial post since the one about the fat waitress, I think. I like how people like the "bitchy" things you say until you target something near and dear to them.

I guess that means that because I wear a DDD cup bra I should stop following you since you said "titties scare me," which by the way was hilarious.

dirtydisher said...

LOL..was waiting for this AND the 50,000 emails from douchebags telling you what they ate last night, how to grow it organically, how to fix it, how to buy it and links to their douchebag veggie blogs.

mainiac said...

I still love you.

emoAK said...

Do these people not realize they're reading the blog of the 'bitchy' waiter? Some offensiveness is inevitable.

That said, I was a vegetarian in times past, and I found no fault with the post.

Keep on bitchin, brother.

Dee said...

It's all BS. Why must everything be a freakin' cusade? I don't care about the quality of the 3-5 year life span of the chicken. I refuse to watch Food, Inc. because its recommendations come from people who are over the top and off the reality chart when it comes to food stuffs. It you're that fussy (and plan to live forever or something), hunt in the wild, raise your own chickens, and grow your own veggies and fruits. Hey, it'a a free country. Otherwise leave the realistic consumers alone. I can't afford $8a dozen for eggs from psychologically well adjusted chickens. ... If you choose a vegan or vegetarian diet, go for it. Don't expect those of us who don't share your passion to knock ourselves out for you. ... I'm 68 years old, well over the half way point in life expectancy. My diet is from the local grocery store and includes meat and dairy. If you purists are right and my present diet will shorten my life, rejoice and be glad that I'll not be depleating the Social Security coffers beyond the actuary tables and there'll be some left for you. But be advised; I don't have diabetes, high cholesterol, arthrisits, or high blood pressure so I may be around a while, enjoying bacon with nitrites and chemically fertilized veggies.

Jenna and Trevor said...

Hi, I'm an unapologetic vegan-ex-waitress and I love your blog, despite your opinion on us vegans. You eloquently say all of the things that I often thought as a waitress, but when I would say it the words would only come out like this: $&%^ $*&%*$(&

I usually seek out vegan restaurants when I go out to eat because I was a waitress and I know what a pain in the ass some waiters think we are, and I hate to be a pain in the ass to fellow waiters. Sometimes I need to eat out at non-vegan restaurants because I do have a social life after all, and it can be frustrating, but it was my choice to be a vegan after all, so whatever.

But anyhoo, if you write about vegans again, I'll have to go all JetBlue on your ass and grab a beer, pop a chute, and slide out of this blog. Okay, just kidding.

~Keep bitchin!

zeebee said...

I disagree with you on some things, but I always keep my trap shut about vegetarianism.

At the end of the day, you're reading an opinion. Your opinion is, some vegans act like asses. Fair do's.

I was almost a vegan once (I couldn't give up cheese. Or haribos) but I hated the idea that people exected me to join Peta or something. I think Peta act so badly sometimes, they made me ashamed of my choices. I actually miss being veggie, but I had good reasons for giving it up.

Hope you managed to clear it up for some of those readers. If not - fuck them, they need to remember you're writing for you, not them, right?

witchybaiter said...

Um, I'm not racist either but any server in any middle class restaurant will tell you that black people are by and large lousy tippers.

Name: female, not even with a capital F. I shit you not! said...

That's why I read your blog.
You bitch!
Whether for fun or for real circumstances .........who cares.
You bitch the best!!
Who needs those ass wipes anyway.
They only needed something to bitch about and you fed em da sour milk. Made em toss their cookies! ;0)
They will get over it.
If not efff em!

Mark W said...

"...I am the first to admit that most people are more educated than I am. They just aren't smarter."

AMEN, sister!

" It's not like I was talking about vegetables and referred to them as Terry Schiavo. Now that would have been offensive. But I didn't do that."


But when you do, that's going to be the funniest BW post in the history of BW posts, and I can't wait to see it!

Mthoko said...

Well I think it raised your site's traffic a notch and as your bad name spreads, you will get more people wanting a piece of you (i.e more readers)!

Anonymous said...

In regards to witchybaiter's comment about black people being lousy tippers, along with the foreigners being lousy tippers post...

The worst tippers I ever had, and there was never an exception to this in all the time I waited tables, are Native Americans. I am not racist, the community I live in is predominantly Native American, and I love the culture for the most part. But every Native American I've ever served as either left no tip, or left only a dollar or two, even for huge bills.

Clear thinking said...

Bitchy waiter you need to run for Senate.

carmar76 said...

Still making me smile, keep it up! : )

Adelle said...

What the fuck? That's bullshit. I'm a vegetarian and I wasn't insulted by your post at all. Whatever. People are bitches.

Megan said...

As usual, last two posts were delicious and hysterical.

Mary A. said...

Got anything Gluten Free?

Terra said...

Haha. I actually said vegetarians are no fun. I'm kinda glad you made fun of me. I feel involved. but really me and my friends are too young to drink so all they do is pick off pepperoni and give me a hard time about it.
thank you bitchy waitor for calling me out. :-)

Claire said...

I'm a vegetarian. I wasn't offended by your post. I was offended by some of the reactions though. But not surprised.

The militant vegetarians have made life really hard for the rest of us. People automatically assume we are all judging them and trying to convert them.

I went to a BBQ this evening. I got a text from the guy organising it apologising for forgetting to pick up a veggie option. I was really surprised - I'd been planning to eat before I went anyway! I went, I sat and chatted to friends, it was fun, everyone was happy. I know being vegetarian is awkward for other people.

I hope most restaurants will have one, maybe two veggie options, but don't expect much more than that (and less if it's obviously a steak house or something).

Ange said...

THIS vegetarian is still a fan. :)

Rachael said...

Dear bitchy, I still love your blog, just so you know (because I'm so important.) My comment was mild but I still feel the need to weenie up and beg timidly for you to continue bitching. I liked how this was kind of an amends to the team-veggie people but at the same time you were still enforcing your opinion. People should be warned when they read your blog title. So don't let us vegetarians ruin your day and keep bitching...maybe you should have an equal-oppurtunity bitch day and challenge people to be as funny as you. :D

Donda said...

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get on my fuckin' plate! YUMMO!

weare138 said...

I, as a cook, have way more issue with vegetarians than vegans. Vegans know their 'rules' and the rules are so restrictive that they make sense. Vegetarians will label themselves as such and still eat chicken, or bacon, or fish (not all of them, but you know you know a 'vegetarian' like that; admit it!)... and at that point why still call yourself a vegetarian? Why not just be a picky eater? I also hate reading restaurant reviews where people say things like 'SUCH a limited menu, didn't even attempt to accommodate pescetarians'. Really??

A said...

i used to work in a steak house and it always cracked me up when a vegetarian would ask what we had that accommodated them. i was doing to go one day and i shit you not it was a 15 min conversation telling the veg that we were a steakhouse (the name of the restaurant was actually such and such steakhouse and grill) and could only offer them salad with no cheese, steamed veggies with no butter, or a baked potato with no butter. it was a slightly exhausting 15 minutes

Skip said...

That vegetarian post was good - the comments even better. Honestly tho' - I would say it was a 95/5 split in favor of you - as it should be. :)

To each his own. I have a sodium restriction [congestive heart failure] and so eating out is really difficult for me - all the good stuff has salt- but what bothers me most is when I do order, and it usually is something plain [no butter or condiments - shit is loaded with salt] I have gotten comments like "Aren't you thin enough?" or "Oh, you don't need to watch your weight" - and inevitably they bring the butter/condiments/bacon etc. I WANT it - believe, but please don't test my willpower by putting something in front of me that will invariably make me sick tomorrow. BAH. I always research a restaurant before I go and try and order with as few mods as possible [former waitress] - I don't want to be a pain in the ass, but I like my family to enjoy their dinners too.

Keep on bitchin' - it is a great blog and I really enjoy it. Thanks.

Indigo Owl said...

Wow people really need to take a MAJOR chill pill. I've been a vegetarian for almost 2 years and I don't go around being a bitch about it. If you go to a restaraunt that serves mostly meat, you're gonna get meat. Duh. Eat a salad and shut up, you know? And I didn't find any offense to your post and neither did my vegan friend. We thought it was entertaining.

That Anonymous Asshole said...

what i did not see was any vegetarian comments about being holier than thou, or expecting a meat eater to stop eating meat. what i DID see, were a ton of people who refuse to acknowledge or respect a vegetarians point of view. they are so damn annoying because they actually give a shit about what they put in their body?

everybody on both sides needs to be respectful of others choices. a vegetarian should go into a burger joint and expect a vegan gluten free menu on the table. but conversely, neither should the waiter be a bitch about modifications.

hell, if you were a good waiter, you would revel in that shit, know all the options by heart, and cater to that need so that you get a good tip and a return visit.

and the transition wasnt just from vegan-hater to racist, although it might as well have been. also talking about your hatred of foreigners, which is no different from racism. so you may think it was an over the top comment, but it was fairly appropriate for your recent direction.

the intro to this last post though, i wont lie, was fucking hilarious. kudos for a good introduction. your comments to the comments werent very funny though.

The Ranter's Box said...

And I heart you Bitchy Waiter. I'm a vegetarian, you are not. Big deal. I did not find your post offensive in any way. What was shocking was reading some to the crazy reader comments. And I still stand by my point that "Anonymous" can eff off! What a freaking wanker! xo, The Empress

That Anonymous Asshole said...

oops, **should NOT, as in should NOT expect a gluten free menu.

and fuck you ranters box.

Miranda said...

You'd think that your readers would get that your blog is meant to be bitchy and sarcastic. And it's interesting how people don't get upset when you bitch about other things (like babies, the elderly, foreigners) but when you bring up something that pertains to them - OH HELL NO!
anyways i always love it when you comment on the comments! <3

The Ranter's Box said...

@That Anonymous Asshole: I bet you wish you could! Me personally, I would just rather bitch slap your ass! Cheerio you f*cknugget!

chloe said...

I am a vegetarian (not vegan!)
because I personally do not like the taste of meat.
I am pretty lucky here in Australia most places will have quite a few veggie options on the menu, however when i was going around europe, some places (particularly in eastern europe) it was a bit of a struggle, but i made it work.
Most of the time (particularly in Albania where the language barrier was considerable), if there was not veggie option, i would just order something that had meat, ie a pasta or sandwich, and take the meat out.
I know some people have issues with meat touching thier food, but trust me, it was easier.

Saying that I have a few acquaintances (i would never be friends with such douches) who will make it very difficult for the server and establishment if there are not (in thier opinon) enough of a variety in thier veggie options.
People like this give vegetarians a bad name.

The way i see it if a place does not serve vegetarian meals, as a veggie you have 3 options:

1)Eat at home: as a veggie you should be used to doing your research before you leave the house, also that way you can control what does/does not go into your food.

2) order a meat dish and pick out the meat: My partner loved eating the meat i left around europe.

3) get used to eating side garden salads and boiled potatos.

酒店經紀威力 said...

Taiwan each culture introduction!
























Laura Leane said...

I love you! You could have written a post about how you think Veggies are similar to Nazis and I would still love you. Why? Because you speak your mind, no matter how bitchy. It's refreshing.

A Bitch Called Mom said...

@Witchy Baiter- you fucking cheap knock-off, most racists start their comments off with, "I'm no racist, but..."

That said, I'm black and I agree with your racist ass. There are some friends with whom I refuse to go out because they're lousy tippers, and I'm not shy about telling them so (in case you hadn't noticed my assertiveness). It pisses me off that anybody would stiff someone who has bent over backwards to serve them. I know that waiters/waitresses hate to see us coming for that very reason.

I would just like to go on record as saying that I tip 15% for basic-unfriendly-but-not-rude service, 18% for good service, and 20% or more for excellent service. My hubby (also black :P) has been known to tip up to 50%. He's a sucker, which is 50% of why I love him.

If you suck, however, you get jack shit.

Bottom line is we're not assholes. Assholes transcend all color lines.

Anonymous said...

LOL I'm A vegitarian and your SPOT ON!!!

If i CHOOSE to goto restaurant its MY decision and MY problem if I CHOOSE a restaurant with little on the menu thats not meat.

Those were nothing short of self absorbed assholes, bet they drive cars and live in wooden houses- Fucking pricks.